Police have spoken to Freddie Starr's 34 year old fiancee and she has said she has never had reason to think he was a *****phile in all their 25 years together !!!! ------------------ After queuing up at the Tesco checkout this morning, Paddy said to the cashier, "Can you do this any cheaper?" "I'm afraid not," she replied, "If we did it for you then we'd have to do it for everybody." Mr Paddy said, "Yeah, but it's got today's date on it. If nobody buys it then it's just going to get thrown away." "Look sir, you're holding up the queue. Do you want the newspaper or not?!" ------------------------ Having read 50 Shades of Grey a Welsh guy persuades his girfriend to try anal sex for the first time. He says "If it hurts too much, yell the safety word twice & I'll stop." She says "OK, what's the safety word?" "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch ----------------------- To commemorate the release of the topless photos of Kate Middleton, Royal Doulton will be releasing a Collector's Edition of two small jugs. ----------------------- 7 wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40 ------------------------ A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ................. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche... --------------------- Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Years Riots....Your One Year Manufacturers Warranty Runs Out Soon.:/ ------------------- "ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY" and with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!!! ------------------------- 2 indian junkies accidently snorted curry powder instead of cocaine . both in hospital...one's in a korma.. the other's got a dodgy tikka! ---------------------- The 100m final at the 2012 Olympics was just like another Friday night in Brixton. You heard a gunshot followed by 8 black guys legging it! ---------------------------- In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper, lead and anything else they could get their bloody hands on. ------------------------------- Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth.
