One morning a man went to see his doctor. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die. "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. "Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly. "If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "He said you are going to die"
How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? Call her and tell her. A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!" A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister. "What are you doing?" he asks. "Warming up your dinner." 'Dyslexic man walks into a bra.. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!' The man says: 'You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you. Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
man goes into a doctors suffering with constipation,, the doc examines him and says, "you need to go home and insert these 2 pills in your back passage" then come back and see me on monday, by then you should be on the mend,, the man goes home to do as the doc.told him. Monday arrives and the man has no change,and goes back to the doc. the doc says how are you are you any better ? the man says no doc.no change i am still constipated. Oh dear says the doc did you follow my instructions and insert them pills into your back passage,, Well not exactly replied the man, because my house doe'nt have a back passage,so i put them in the front passage, and for what good that did i might just as well of shoved em up my arse.
Slightly adapted to suit this board. A Millwall fan was getting a nagging from his wife. "You go to the training sessions, you go to every game home and away. Sometimes I think that you think more of Millwall than you do me" she nagged. "Darlin'" came the reply, " I think more of bleedin' West Ham than I do you."
2 pubic hairs stuck on a toilet seat one says to the other how long you here for ? and the other replies untill i get pissed off
i know i am trying,, it is called "bad joke thread" and im winning what we need is a GOOD JOKE THREAD i hate bad jokes
Now that joke does need a nomination but to follow on from Maestros piece of pure brilliance,, what do you call a Deer with no eyes ?
