"Tonight Matthew I'm going to be Graham Carr"

Right just a bit of festive fun before the window. You are Graham Carr and you have been tasked with coming up with players for three positions which need filled in the January transfer window by Alan Pardew. They are:

1. Centre Back
2. Left wing/forward
3. Left back

Now as we all know its not just a case of giving them one option. So for each position you have to suggest the following:

1. The dream - quality
2. The youngster - 18-23
3. The loan - rumoured available or people you think might be
4. The short term - the aged but quality
5. The value risk - injury prone/lunatic/out of form something that has the risk analysts running

I'll begin:

Centre Back

1. Simon Kjaer - classy and could be available
2. Cheikhou Kouyate - young 22yr old, senegalese
3. Joleon Lescott - can't get a game, be surprised if they loaned him out but there are rumours
4. Sylvain Distin - 35 but has the body of a 25 yr old, allegedly available
5. Michael Dawson - injury prone

Left wing/forward

1. Tom Ince - Top quality set for bigger clubs than us I suspect
2. Kerim Frei - Top class for me
3. M'Baye Niang - AC Milan, young doesn't get a game but may not want to even loan
4. Florent Malouda - old but quality, training with the kids
5. Arshavin or Downing - one is crazy and never lived up to expectations, the other has been ****e

Left back

1. Danny Rose - mackem I know but he is good
2. Massadio Haïdara - been linked don't know much about him
3. Jeremy Mathieu - behind Cissokho in Valencia pecking order
4. Luciano Zauri - struggling here!
5. Erik Pieters - injury prone

As you can all see I'm struggling to sleep and very bored!

 

So you thought you'd try and keep us awake and bore us too.

 

Yep

 

Centre Backs

1. Hummels
2. Bruno Martins Indi
3. ManU Evans, Smalling, now that Vidic is back one of the two might be loaned out.
4. Lescott
5. Alderweireld, risky because he might just not be EPL material

Left Backs:

1. Derick Tshimanga
2. Dodo(AS Roma) 20 years old, hasn't played a full game for them, likely to get loaned
3. Patrice Evra, likely to leave ManU after this season
4. Gallas
5. Bruno Martins Indi, very young, not much experience in high level football, could easily be a bust

LW/FW
1. MBokani
2. Wilfred Bony
3. Assaïdi, doesn't play at Liverpool
4. Shearer
5. Guidetti, still has a viral infection but if he recovers and gets back in form he's gold

 

Wake me up when Santa Claus has been.

 

Competition for Tim Krul:

Tim Krul is a fantastic keeper but I think he, like every Goalkeeper at a good club needs a rival to push him.

We had one in Frazer Forster but for a reason unbeknown to me, we had sold him to Celtic.

Steve Harper is certainly in the twilight of his career and Rob Elliot looks decent and certainly a reliable 3rd choice with his shot stopping abilities.

Suggestion would be FC Freiburg's Oliver Baumann.

Centre Half:

FC Twente's Douglas, We need a strong centre half capable in the air and also unafraid to verbally motivate team mates.

Two things we don't have from our current central defensive line up. Also Douglas should be available for a reasonable fee due to his contract running down.

Left Back:

We are often linked to right full backs which confuses me because we have James Perch, David Santon, Ryan Taylor and for now Danny Simpson.

All of whom are right footed and we could do with letting Simpson leave and replace him with someone to join Shane Ferguson at Left Back duty.

Suggestion is Schalke 04's Christian Fuchs, His delivery is out of this world and his venturing forward is good as well as his stellar defending.

Playmaker:

Our central creativity without Yohan Cabaye is non existent almost. Jonas although hard working and a good dribbler he lacks end product.

Vurnon Anita is playing like his career depends on it right now but is hardly a playmaker and is better suited as an anchorman.

Suggestion: Dennis Praet of Anderlecht, he is a teen but has the potential match some of the best in Europe.

Winger:

For a 4-3-3 we need a winger in the mould of Hatem and my suggestion is Solomon Kalou he is talented and experienced and seems unsettled in France.

Striker:

Loic Remy, Simple!

 

LW/F
1. The dream - Sebastian Rajalakso. World Class potentially. Thundering left-foot.
2. The youngster - Nahir Oyal (21), Simon Tibbling (18). I've cheated a bit, as they aren't LW/F, but they're both versatile players who add strength to the midfield. The former is like Fabregas, the latter is like a better Vuckic.
3. The loan - N'Zogbia, possibly, but I think it'd be a high priced loan.
4. The short term - No idea
5. The value risk - N'Zogbia. Plently of sleepless nights for the manager if he has a strop.

 

CB

Dream: Hangeland
Youngster: Yanga-Mbiwa
Loan: Dawson
Short Term: Nelson (when QPR go down)
Risk: Distin

LW/F

Dream: Remy
Youngster: Alex Kacaniklic
Loan: Arshavin
Short Term: Not a position where we want a short-term solution...
Risk: Lee Tomlin - Peterborough LW/ST, very fat, very thick, but a fantastic footballer, defo Prem quality. He once told a policeman to get a proper job as well...

LB

Dream: Cissokho
Youngster: Kgosi Ntlhe - Another Peterborough player, only 18-19, played for them at the start of the season, now they play 3 CBs so he's not starting, but a great prospect, although risky
Loan: Ryan Bertrand
Short Term: As we are...
Risk: Pieters - may be injury prone, some have also said he isn't good enough