Buying Christmas Presents

xmas shopping is a doddle.

Ask friend/girlfriend/boyfriend/brother/sister/parent/etc of the person you want to get a pressie for and order it online. Sorted. None of this ****in around in the shops.

Note: I suffer acute shop rage, even in supermarkets, and won't go near a shop unless I really have to.

 

never knew metal detectors were so expensive... some ****ers up the road from where I live found all that ancient gold and are now millionaires..

 

Along with the present you have to have a good story to go with it. Don't just buy vouchers because they are sh1te, what you do is buy vouchers and say "I got you these so that you can pick your own handbag/dress/shoes/butt plug etc, that way you have shown that you have put a bit of thought into it.

Another good one is getting her vouchers to cover the cost of a treatment at a spa or beauty salon. Without a back up story this is as bad as saying "you are an ugly pig, go to this place to make yourself look half decent" but if you say "Darling, you deserve to be pampered a bit and I know you love having your hair/nails/anal bleaching done" then you have demonstrated a bit of care and attention.

Don't give her money, you might as well send her a card saying "Happy Christmas you whore"

 

This is the very latest bestest detector ever but £2k, that's some investment.

 

Nooooooooooooooooooo

I bought my biatch some jewellery for the first Christmas after we were married. It was lovely. The only problem was that it was exactly the same jewellery she wore on her wedding day.

<double ****ed>

All women's jewellery looks the same to men, buy jewellery once as a present and then never again.

 

Thankfully, I won't have to get the bitch anything this year. Thank ****.

Wonder what Toby is getting himself this year?

 

I must have missed this, what happened to your good lady?

 

She kicked him oot.

 

The same thing he suggested slapme get, funnily enough

 

****.

 

My missus tries that all the time, I hold the purse strings though so I tell her to get tae' **** and go live back at her mums.

She's still at home.

She must love me.

 

you better get me something good, or you're sleeping on the sofa.

 

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Typical, evil and twisted wifie.

 

if he leaves it to xmas eve, i will not be pleased

 

not when ive bought a lot of nice presents for him! and put a lot of thought into it and made him a card

 

Why not? That's ridiculous. As long as someone gets you something why should it matter when it was bought?

 

dont argue with me, young man!

 

A card? Men don't give a **** about cards.

 

you wouldnt say that if you got one of my cards, gamby.