The Official Man Utd & Liverpool plus Chelsea, Everton and City Banter Thread!

I was talking about Gerrez's claim he was **** for 18 months beforehand. In that 18 months he got 31 goals in 58 games - 0.53 gpg. His first two years he hit 50 in 84 - 0.60. So not that bad considering how **** your entire team was from 09 -11 compared to from 07-09. And the notorious "Hodgson factor"

Ah, that one hit the spot

I just remember some of you guys, who shall remain nameless, waxing lyrical about how you got rid of Alonso for £30m right after his best season so that was a good move, and how great Garcia and Sissoko were in midfield until they ****ed off and you didn't need them any more. But it is the same for some nameless Utd fans...

Course it's true - we respect them as long as they respect us. Stam, Beckham and RVN remain three of the best players to have graced the PL, despite all leaving us on not particularly good terms.

And Tevez is now exactly what he was at Utd - a slightly worse version of Rooney with a worse attitude. You can play with that bone for a bit

 

Reading Rafas honours list it doesnt list a 1-4 victory at Old Trafford as an honour. Surely this is a mistake?

 

Does that not just prove my point? Torres was not **** when he left you, and had not been **** for the previous 18 months. He, like everyone else in your team, had been struggling to adapt to Hodgson's system and, as Gerrard and Carragher admitted, had not been putting the effort for Woy, just like most of your team.

He was probably a bit burnt out having carried you for much of 08/09 and 09/10, and his confidence was gone which is bad for his goalscoring, but he was and still is far from being ****.

 

Torres without Benitez: 352 games 118 goals

Torres with Benitez: 116 games 72 goals

Benitez got loads more out of Torres than any other manager has managed so far.

 

True, but that includes a lot of the time he was a kid at Athletico.

I do wonder the extent to which Benitez' reliance on Torres, particularly from in 09 onwards when he was having painkilling injections to keep playing, has left him a bit crocked nowadays. Much like Owen in 03/04, where it seemed like he came back from injury too early three or four times and ended up getting injured every single time he did.

 

Definitely didn't help him, but you could argue that Torres' inability to play with a strike partner was detrimental to the chances of getting another quality striker in and adding depth to the position. As any potential target knew they'd have to displace one of the worlds best players and arguably best striker at the time to get a regular place in the team.

Btw, Man City 2-0 down to Ajax, what the ****!

 

Anger, rage, hate, snarl

 

Again, feel free to find a quote. Never agreed with selling Alonso. Nor do I blame Rafa for trying to sell him the summer before last, he'd been poor for a season or two. That last season showed how good and important he can be but the cracks in his relationship with Rafa was already beyond repair.

Hit the spot...? Whatever you say

 

Don't waste your time talking sense to Swarbs. According to him 2 goals( Rooney) is more valuable than 7 goals (Suarez). Its called changing the goal-posts in every debate to make yourself look good.

 

The argument wasn't quite that cut and dry though was it

 

Wasn't actually talking about you, I was referring to other fans who shall remain nameless...

Uggh, KPR no understand subtleties of football. Liverpool good United baaaaaad. Uggh.

 

...

 

Swarbs.
It was that cut and dried, you said Rooney was more valuable having scored two goals than Suarez having scored seven goals, just to make Rooney out to be better. Its a typical Manchester United fan response. Nobody is ever better than their players and ex players. They are the bestest club in the world because Paul Scholes has red hair.

 

Ok, in that case KPR, who do you think is more valuable Suarez or RvP ?

 

He's a yank. He only understands 'blunt'. You should know from all that yank literature you read

 

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictio...nary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

 

If this is your own work, I'm very, very impressed. Even if you've only gone to the trouble of copy and pasting it, I'm still impressed. Could be perfect timing with the impending arrival of Bluff, Mano et al.

Quality

 

its doing the rounds on facebook with a picture of the queen..

 

Sweats: That's one of the best posts ever! Quality.

PS Americans' spell 'tyre' as 'tire', which I found very confusing when over there (got used to them dropping 'u's, though). Also, even when words are spelt (American = spelled) correctly they often mispronounce them, e.g. 'herbs' pronounced 'erbs' and 'route' pronounced 'rout'. Little things like that do my nut in.

 

Believe me, you're not the only one