An excerpt from the book we've all been dying to read! 50 Shades of Geordie… I knew as soon as I walked through the door from dropping the bairn off at me mothers that I was ganna get some. I peeped through the fist-hole in the living room door and saw the half a rolley burning in the ashtray perched on the arm of me new Bright House corner settee. The telly was turned reet doon, ah cudn't even hear what Lorraine was sayin’about the new fashion for the summer nor nowt. Then I saw ‘im and me heart skipped a beat, he'd obviously had a crisis loan and been down the metro, cos he was wearing fresh new tracky bottoms and a brand new pair of flossies, his rippling white chest peeped out from behind the zip of his superdry coat, that was sexily only zipped halfway up just enough to cover the tack burns, but give me a cheeky glimpse of what was to come. He pulled me towards him and whispered "Y'all reet pet" before plantin’ the lips on me, I trembled under the aroma of Golden Virginia and stale Stella. He took me there and then, right on the Argos rug whilst our staffy Tyson looked on. He left without a word, but he would be returnin’ soon, with tales of a fight in the job centre queue and his joy at finding a poond coin on the floor of the 54 bus. I tried to settle meself down with a tab but all the while that one question burned in me heart… Would he have remembered to get me a pasty from Greggs?
A Frenchman,Italian and Geordie were on holiday and ogling the women. The Frenchman said "I would make love to that girl and transfer her to new heights. I do that often to my wife. The Ialian said "me too, but I would do it twice as fast and to greater heights. My wife love it. Geordie says "she'll get the same treatment as wor lass. I'll leap one hor, give her a good tadgerin, and when aas done I'll tak the tab out me gob, wipe me nob on her nightee and I bet she hits the ceiling just like wor lass".
Can't take the credits mate, i got it sent in an email, but you've got to laugh, especially as it's about that lot up the road and so very true to life as well. They do actaully have people like that.
A doctor in Sunderland, wants to get off work and go on holiday, so he approaches his assistant. Geordie, I am going on holiday tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic, he says. 'I want you to take care of the clinic and all my patients.' 'Nee problem' answers Geordie. The doctor goes on his holiday to Magaluf, returns the following week and asks, 'Well Geordie, how was it while I was away?' Geordie tells him that he took care of three patients all week 'The first one had a headache, so I give him Paracetemol.' 'Well done Geordie, and the second one?' asks the doctor. 'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him some Settlers, says Geordie. 'Very well done Geordie! You're good at this. And what about the third one?' 'Well that one was a bit of a tricky one, I was sitting here and all of a sudden the door burst open and a woman from Seaburn comes running into the room and quick as a flash she rips her clothes off, tearing off every stitch of clothing including her bra and her panties, and she jumped up on the table. She spreads her legs and shouts, 'Help me, I beg you! It's been five years since I've seen a man!' 'Jesus Christ' Geordie, what did you do?' ........... 'I put drops in her eyes.'
