The room 101 thread
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May I please put "online job applications" in?
They are the ultimate bane of my existence (/the last few months), as I'm applying for various Graduate training scheme positions and part-time employment til they open. So, you've gone down to the store in person with your CV, smiling politely, looking rather dashing because you've moosed your hair into something fashionably Jedward for once, only to be met with the familiar look of disdain from some spotty 15 year old (whose either the daughter of a manager or you're in France, and she's slept her way to the top), who informs you that "we do not accept CVs for these positions, please check our position availability online"... CURSE YOU GIRL.
Anyway, having raced home and sampled the world wide web's great variety of literature on another topic which wastes about 1-1.1 minutes of your life, you obediently do as Adolf Zitler demanded and go through the website, and sure enough there is a vacancy she didn't tell you about.... Scrolling through and answering a multitude of questions (all of which are answered on my CV which I could have handed in... Only now it's just been used for something else) until my teeth start chattering and even the Fresher next door have gone to be for ten minutes, it eventually comes to the penultimate screen, where it tells you that you are able to... YEP, YOU GUESSED IT... UPLOAD YOUR CV!!! What is the point of the other questions???
Only the GTS positions are worse, because you have to sit online examinations to prove you are clever enough... Obviously my degree will come in handy as toilet paper if I ever get the job... HSBC are the worst so far though. I had to create a profile with them because "they don't send me information via e-mail, it's too sensitive"... I typed in all my details, set up the account, was registered as an applicant. Next day they e-mail saying "you have a message on your profile"... So I log in, and it says "Hi Matt, welcome to our service"... How exactly is that so sensitive?! I'm pretty sure that even if my e-mail was in heavy flow and not accepting chocolate bribes, the tampax that is my ****-filter isn't super-absorbant enough to prevent that nugget getting through...
Next day I get another e-mail from them "you have a message on your profile"... I log on... It says "You may now complete the online assessments..." MOTHERPLUCKKKKKEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, people who have long rants on forums... Seriously, get a life...
I REALLY do like your style JPF. Send me your CV, I'll sort you out with a job.
In no particular order:
RVP
'Reality TV' programmes
Nigel DeJong
Jamie Carragher's voice
Mackems (OK, go on then, keep Mackems out of room 101 as it would be less fun without them)
Sith Lords
Mark Lawrenson
Taxes
Toon players getting injured
Sith Lords
Michael Owen
'Lifelong' Chelski/Citeh fans (who didn't even know which colours they played in uitil the last 3-5 years or so)
SSN reporters / SSN 'sources'
Sith Lords
Mackems who are Sith Lords
RVP
'Reality TV' programmes
Nigel DeJong
Jamie Carragher's voice
Mackems (OK, go on then, keep Mackems out of room 101 as it would be less fun without them)
Sith Lords
Mark Lawrenson
Taxes
Toon players getting injured
Sith Lords
Michael Owen
'Lifelong' Chelski/Citeh fans (who didn't even know which colours they played in uitil the last 3-5 years or so)
SSN reporters / SSN 'sources'
Sith Lords
Mackems who are Sith Lords
Right, the things that ruined our beautiful game:
Diving
Play acting / feigning injury
Diving
Refs dishing out yellow/red cards for 'nothing'
Diving
Players trying to get other players carded (especially the waving of the imaginary card to the ref)
Diving
Shirt pulling
Diving
Time wasting (especially taking the ball to the corner flag for 5 minutes)
Diving
Sith Lords Diving
Diving
Play acting / feigning injury
Diving
Refs dishing out yellow/red cards for 'nothing'
Diving
Players trying to get other players carded (especially the waving of the imaginary card to the ref)
Diving
Shirt pulling
Diving
Time wasting (especially taking the ball to the corner flag for 5 minutes)
Diving
Sith Lords Diving
People who shout "shoot" as soon as we have possession.
People who drink on match days with weak bladders. Usually late for the game so its 'stand up' to let them past. 30 minutes in, 'stand up' its time for their wazz, half time they're late back again, 60 mins are toon making a sub? No its Pissy Pete off to the bogs again.
Car drivers who insist on driving up my rear end in the dark with headlights on full beam.
Any form of advert for the Halifax Building Society.
Call Centres in Mumbai.
Car Insurance companies who assume come renewal time I'll just be lazy and renew with them, so hike the premium. Whatever happened to rewarding loyalty?
X Factor and anyone involved with it
Airline food.
Lack of legroom on airlines. Worst ever - Thomas Cook. Bastards.
Al Gore's 'We Are Responsible for Global Warming" tosh.
People who drink on match days with weak bladders. Usually late for the game so its 'stand up' to let them past. 30 minutes in, 'stand up' its time for their wazz, half time they're late back again, 60 mins are toon making a sub? No its Pissy Pete off to the bogs again.
Car drivers who insist on driving up my rear end in the dark with headlights on full beam.
Any form of advert for the Halifax Building Society.
Call Centres in Mumbai.
Car Insurance companies who assume come renewal time I'll just be lazy and renew with them, so hike the premium. Whatever happened to rewarding loyalty?
X Factor and anyone involved with it
Airline food.
Lack of legroom on airlines. Worst ever - Thomas Cook. Bastards.
Al Gore's 'We Are Responsible for Global Warming" tosh.
This. I experienced this today.. was calling about some HP Printer issues, couldn't get what the Indian lady was trying to tell me about cartridges and region settings....
'Plakka mags' from Horden, Peterlee, Easington et al who started supporting you lot post the great sky sports promotion of 1992. However, for those that started supporting the mags in the Bobby Shinton 7,000 crowds era I have no criticism.
People who eat sandwiches and pasties while walking.
Talking on mobile phones in shops and restaurant's they always seem to shout so you can hear.
People who stand in door ways.
Motorist who when it says 20 do 15 and 30 and do 20
stick to the speed limit.
Talking on mobile phones in shops and restaurant's they always seem to shout so you can hear.
People who stand in door ways.
Motorist who when it says 20 do 15 and 30 and do 20
stick to the speed limit.
I have many, but for now (cause I've just started working part-time at Starbucks while I wait for my MA results) its all work related...
1) People who pause while placing their order, then when I say "Is that everything?" say: "Did you forget the blueberry muffin" ... No, no I didn't, in order to forget I must previously have known that you wanted a blueberry muffin. Did you mention it, did you ambiguously allude to it, did you engage in an adlib game of charades, conspicuously gesticulating your desire for a blueberry muffin, did you even glance at that ****ing blueberry muffin for more than 2 seconds on your way past the pastry case? NO...NO you didn't..."Sorry about that, just the one muffin for you there?"
2) Customers who KNOW what they want (except they don't know what they want) It was my 2nd ever shift and a woman insisted, INSISTED that she have the smallest possible cappuccino, I explained that our smallest size is a short, though this is generally given to children and we would recommend a Tall. Well **** that Tall, she was sticking it to the consumer man and she was taking no prisoners on the way - "I said I wanted the smallest size, why would you give me anything other than the smallest one." - Not my money, not my order, not my problem "that's absolutely fine, If you'd like to make your way to the end of the bar, Mike will make your drink up right away", I wrote the ticket and handed off the cup to my supervisor, immediately he asked "are you sure she didn't want a tall?" - I explained and he made the drink anyway...Now, as some of you may know, a cappuccino is generally between 40%-50% foam, it means there is less milk diluting the espresso shot and so you get a stronger flavour - this also meant that only half of this woman's small drink was actual liquid. But its OK, she wouldn't complain about it, she had INSISTED that she have a Short, she had belittled my intelligence when suggesting that she may prefer a larger size, she knew what she wanted and she was gunna get it or else, she would never ignore all this and kick up a fuss...No, she did complain, she complained and told us that she was never coming back because our customer service was terrible and our drink portions were a joke..."OK, have a nice day."
3) People who complain about queues. Some days we'll only have 2 staff members running the whole shop. That means 2 people to take orders at the till, take orders at the drive through, make hot food, make hot drinks, make iced drinks, restock fridges, clear and clean tables, clean dirty dishes and mugs and restock everything from coffee beans to plastic lids. If you have 5 customers in store and 5 cars in the drive through, with each customer wanting hot food and a mixture of hot and cold drinks, you can imagine its fairly hectic. So, when you can quite clearly see a queue in front of you, you can quite clearly see two, very stressed, very put upon people working as fast and efficiently as they possibly can, who are still trying to be polite and apologise for your wait, TAKE A ****ING SECOND AND THINK before saying "Well this is disgraceful, I've been waiting for 15 minutes (despite us knowing this is untrue as we have timers on screen that tell us waiting times)."
4) People who think because I work in a cafe, I'm automatically stupid. The amount of people who have talked down to me is ridiculous. The majority of them are 'lady of leisure' women who've not worked a day since they managed to convince their semi-wealthy husband to impregnate them. I'd ****ing LOVE to ask them about their opinion on the budget cuts, on redistribution of wealth, on whether or not they feel sticking with the EU will be a stronger option in the long run of Britain's failing economy, on the social impact that benefit cuts will have and whether they think we will see a parallel rise in crime figures...Then simply raise my middle finger on one hand and point to the door with the other when they **** their unnecessarily expensive underwear and fail to respond!
I have many more, but that felt good for now!
1) People who pause while placing their order, then when I say "Is that everything?" say: "Did you forget the blueberry muffin" ... No, no I didn't, in order to forget I must previously have known that you wanted a blueberry muffin. Did you mention it, did you ambiguously allude to it, did you engage in an adlib game of charades, conspicuously gesticulating your desire for a blueberry muffin, did you even glance at that ****ing blueberry muffin for more than 2 seconds on your way past the pastry case? NO...NO you didn't..."Sorry about that, just the one muffin for you there?"
2) Customers who KNOW what they want (except they don't know what they want) It was my 2nd ever shift and a woman insisted, INSISTED that she have the smallest possible cappuccino, I explained that our smallest size is a short, though this is generally given to children and we would recommend a Tall. Well **** that Tall, she was sticking it to the consumer man and she was taking no prisoners on the way - "I said I wanted the smallest size, why would you give me anything other than the smallest one." - Not my money, not my order, not my problem "that's absolutely fine, If you'd like to make your way to the end of the bar, Mike will make your drink up right away", I wrote the ticket and handed off the cup to my supervisor, immediately he asked "are you sure she didn't want a tall?" - I explained and he made the drink anyway...Now, as some of you may know, a cappuccino is generally between 40%-50% foam, it means there is less milk diluting the espresso shot and so you get a stronger flavour - this also meant that only half of this woman's small drink was actual liquid. But its OK, she wouldn't complain about it, she had INSISTED that she have a Short, she had belittled my intelligence when suggesting that she may prefer a larger size, she knew what she wanted and she was gunna get it or else, she would never ignore all this and kick up a fuss...No, she did complain, she complained and told us that she was never coming back because our customer service was terrible and our drink portions were a joke..."OK, have a nice day."
3) People who complain about queues. Some days we'll only have 2 staff members running the whole shop. That means 2 people to take orders at the till, take orders at the drive through, make hot food, make hot drinks, make iced drinks, restock fridges, clear and clean tables, clean dirty dishes and mugs and restock everything from coffee beans to plastic lids. If you have 5 customers in store and 5 cars in the drive through, with each customer wanting hot food and a mixture of hot and cold drinks, you can imagine its fairly hectic. So, when you can quite clearly see a queue in front of you, you can quite clearly see two, very stressed, very put upon people working as fast and efficiently as they possibly can, who are still trying to be polite and apologise for your wait, TAKE A ****ING SECOND AND THINK before saying "Well this is disgraceful, I've been waiting for 15 minutes (despite us knowing this is untrue as we have timers on screen that tell us waiting times)."
4) People who think because I work in a cafe, I'm automatically stupid. The amount of people who have talked down to me is ridiculous. The majority of them are 'lady of leisure' women who've not worked a day since they managed to convince their semi-wealthy husband to impregnate them. I'd ****ing LOVE to ask them about their opinion on the budget cuts, on redistribution of wealth, on whether or not they feel sticking with the EU will be a stronger option in the long run of Britain's failing economy, on the social impact that benefit cuts will have and whether they think we will see a parallel rise in crime figures...Then simply raise my middle finger on one hand and point to the door with the other when they **** their unnecessarily expensive underwear and fail to respond!
I have many more, but that felt good for now!
Wow I can't believe this...2 people to man drive through + the store? If that's as you said on such a busy day, then something is wrong there......
Btw I can understand too, those ladies you mentioned... Especially the one who insisted she wanted the smallest and then complain
To tell you the truth I might've told her off saying she insisted it. Needless to say I would've gotten into an argument and that's probably one of the reasons I can't work these part time jobs at all... I'm known to have a black face(no, I'm not black) when unhappy so it would really show up lol.And your bit bout the muffin was funny, but generally don't take that kind of comments to heart haha... its partly for their ego the way they say it too
Made me laugh this - I feel your pain. At least it gives you some good stories eh?
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