> > > MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU > > > > Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. > > > > Please select from the following options menu: > > > > If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. > > > > If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. > > > > If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. > > > > If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, > > stay on the line so we can trace your call. > > > > If you are delusional, press 7 and > > your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship. > > > > If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully > > and a little voice will tell You which number to press. > > > > If you are manic-depressive, hang up. > > It doesn't matter which number you press, > > nothing will make you happy anyway. > > > > If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6. > > > > If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep > > or before the beep or after the beep. > > But Please wait for the beep. > > > > If you have short-term memory loss , press 9. > > If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. > > If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. > > > > If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. > > Our operators are too busy to talk with you. > > > > If you are menopausal, put the gun down, > > hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. > > You won't be crazy forever. > > > > If you are blonde, don't press any buttons. > > You'll just mess it up. > > > > This coming week is > > National Mental Health Care week. > > You can do your part by remembering > > to contact at least > > one unstable person to show you care. > > > > (Well, my job is done . Your turn!) > > >
