A) Always Act like an Asshole. B) Believe everything the voices in your head tell you. It works for psychics. C) Talk Crap every day to your make-believe friends. Practice makes perfect. Suck up Cliches printed in the media. D) Your Dick will shrivel up in fear but do not be afraid. Cover it up with your Dunce's cap. E) Memorise the Europa League timetable so you're not talking about Ch5 in the wrong week. Appearing misinformed is a sure sign of wumdom, as sure as the pink scarf sticking out of your back pocket. F) Fans are the people on messageboards who support teams with Fackts. Do not think of yourself as one of them. You are not a fan, you are a wum and you don't have Fackts, you have a need for attention. G) Get in early. As soon as a thread appears you should be ready to spew Crap and Cliches (see C) all over it. H) Hatred is a powerful force. Cultivate and nurture it. You'll find it deep within you, where you buried it after your mum neglected you. I) Information. Ewww, yuck. It's for superhighways, not wums. It's Kryptonite to any argument and you will come up against it. Do not fight; run. Quickly. Information not only rots your brain but it'll affect your self-confidence, which in turn will add to your inability to get a boyfriend. J) Jokes can hide a big payload of wum but they're tricky and require many years of wumming. Do not attempt them until you've been initiated at your Wummunion ceremony, and even then only under strict guidance from an Elder. K) Kudos has no value. You can't buy the Glee soundtrack with it so do not worry that you never seem to get any. L) Love yourself. Somebody has to and your mum's already nailed her colours to the mast. M) Muppetry is a valid reason to have a Man's arm up your bottom. Enjoy! N) Nonces like muppets. They're your true friends now. O) Official club sites should be avoided like the plague. Fackts seeps out of them like pus and burn a wum like alien blood. P) Prison is part of being a wum. It's where the Nonces practice their Muppetry so look forward to your time there. It's free and you'll learn new skills. Q) Quiet contemplation will try to occupy your thoughts in Prison. Stay strong and reject the imposter. Listen to the voices. The voices know. R) Ratboy is a professional wum. You should always have a picture of him in your pocket to kiss in admiration. S) Sewers are rent-free accomodation and help develop your rat-like instincts. T) Time heals all wounds and you will be wounded often as mean people say mean things about you. Your mum doesn't really mean it, though. She's just bitter. U) Getting all Up in somebody's face is the new wum craze from America, where they don't really know much about football, either. W) The Letter of the Beast. Each Wum has a tattoo of the letter W hidden below their hairline. It was foretold in the Wum Scrolls, "For there shall come a mighty pull upon the Wayward and the Wrong and they shall find self-love alone on the shores of the Anker." X) Xcrement is a wum band and their gigs are the place to be seen for any serious wum. Unfortunately the information on their posters is always wrong. Y) Wum clothing requires a lot of Yellow stripes, signifying the courage to run away before you get hurt by Fackts. Z) Ignore the ZZZs from those bored by your continued and obsessive presence. They're just hurt by your skillful use of several laughter emoticons in a row destroying their sad attempt to rely on Fackts. Losers.
What's happened to V? V) Is for non-Volatile knob jockey. Something every wum is and aspires to be. ------------------------------------------------------------------ I agree. Thats what Successful Cock Basher aka Richard ''Dick'' Head is.
I wanted to leave something for wums to grab hold of in their desperation, i.e. V is for Voronin. Them showing up would only help prove my thesis. Ta-da! Thesis proven. Thanks for stopping by and reading.
