A man met a woman in London during the Olympics and decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, "But we divvn't na anything aboot each other." "That's all right," he replied. "We'll learn as we go along." So she consented; they were married, and decided to honeymoon at a very nice resort. One morning, husband and wife were relaxing poolside when suddenly, the husband got up, climbed up the 10 meter board and did a two-and-a-half tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly and almost without a ripple. This was followed by three rotations in jackknife position before he again straightened out and cut the water with knife-like precision. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel. "EEE pet that was incredible!" his wife exclaimed. "I'm an Olympic diving champion," he explained. "You see, I told you we'd learn more about one another as we went along." With that, his wife got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. She was moving so fast that the froth at one end of the pool had hardly disappeared before she had touched the other end! She did laps in freestyle, breast stroke, even butterfly. After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel. "That was incredible!" he exclaimed. "Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?" "Na man," she said, "I was a prostitute in Newcastle and worked both sides of the Tyne.."
My mate has to get married next week. ( Poor unlucky sod.) He told their lass last year, he would marry her when he saw the Queen jump out of a helicopter
I'm on my second marriage now - first one was a heffer (almost literally) but this one is a lovely girl 10 years younger than me. We have 2 kids and 2 dogs and I love marriage - give it a few years though and I might be with you!!
Three lads from the North East decided to nip down to London to watch the games. Having no luck getting tickets, they were trying to figure out a way to get in. The Mackem then has a bright idea, grabs a scaffolding pole sticks it over his shoulder walks up to the security and says, "Pole Vault!" The security guard waves him through, saying, "Good luck" The Smoggy thinks "Wow good idea!" He then lifts a manhole cover sticks it under his arm walks up to the security and says, "Discus!" The guard waves him through, saying, "Good luck" The Geordie as per usual was standing there flummoxed. Then spots something and grabs it. He walks up to the security guard holding a roll of barbed wire and says, "Fencing!" Where upon the guard punches him in the mouth and says, "What a thick ****!"
Husband says to wife "My Olympic branded condoms have arrived... I think I'll wear Gold tonight." His wife says, "Why not wear Silver and come second for a change."
