A pigeon invaded my abode earlier. That's right. I'd left the bedroom window slightly open, it being July of course, to let some nice cool air in. I was sat in the living room, minding my own business, when I heard a noise that can only be described as 'flapping'. "Uh oh, I've heard this before", I thought to myself. (Only around a fortnight ago I'd gone into my kitchen to find a pigeon happily balancing on the tilted window, flapping like a good 'un). I shoo'd it away. This time the flapping was more intense. As I went into the bedroom, I saw it. Somehow, this feathered little trespasser had sneaked under a gap that must have been no more than about 7 inches. It was on my windowsill, and it was panicking like ****. I reverted to the bathroom cupboard, withdrew a broom with a long handle, and slowly approached the rabid bird. My plan? To nudge the window open fully with the end of the broom. This would make it easier for the wild beast, with its inferior small brain, to get out. As it was, just as I got near it, the little bugger found the reverse route through the same gap, and flew off. "Poor thing", I thought "it looked really stressed." My compassion for the bird soon dissipated when I realised that before it made good its escape, it had found time to **** all over my windowsill. "Damn you, vermin bird" I thought. In addition to a generous blob of green pigeon cack, several speckles and flicks had been liberally splashed around the near vacinity. In its panic, the ****er had flapped a load all over, including some on my bed. This irritated me. A job for Cillit Bang! no doubt. So I've been steadily disinfecting my room this afternoon. Somewhat unplanned, and somewhat grotty as well. The bedding? Boil washed. Pigeons eh? What a set of ****s.
You're a credit party. That pigeon would be roasting up nicely in my oven. With a cranberry jus simmering on the hob.
Was it just a pidgeon,or was it a wood pidgeon ? Woodys are bigger and better looking. I have a suspicion it was a ****ing wood pidgeon,Party. You could be in terrible danger mate. My advice is you get yourself a man of the cloth pronto. Wood pidgeons are really evil demons,sent by Bill Bones himself. Party,just get out of that house ! Then you must contact said exorcist . Good luck Party.
I think it was a wood pigeon yes. I didn't know they were evil. Thank God it's gone! What does it all mean?
****, I thought some household cleaners would be enough. I don't have a crucifix, I'll have to make one myself from some old lollipop sticks or something. Thanks for letting us know. I'll get prepared.
What a coincidence!! I ran two over on the way to work this morning about five miles apart! LOL Company car Toyota Prius gutless piece of **** but it's very stealthy.
A related story. I worked with a fella who you could only describe as the nicest bloke you could hope to meet. Such a nice guy, that when he got married, he took on the surname of his wife. Well one day he came home to find a pigeon flapping about in his bedroom. Given his nice guy reputation, you'd think he'd try to also release the pigeon into freedom. Perhaps even inform the RSPCA and RSPB that there's a distressed bird out there for their wardens to keep an eye out for. Did he ****. He beat it to death with the end of his shoe. Blood and feathers everywhere. I can only assume that the evil of which Kempton speaks, somehow overwhelmed him and entered his body.
I don't want anyone to think that I in any way like pigeons. I don't. I think they're scum. But I just didn't wanna touch it. Plus it was going apeshit. I'd never have been able to get hold of it.
I always wondered if pigeons could smoke after trying to make a rollie a few years back near the war memorial in Hull only for a bastard pigeon to swoop down and nick my tobacco in mid-roll.
The ****ers down here are getting very brave they seem to come upto you and nearly jump on your knee if your sat down ive only ever seen them do that in london! Althought completely different bird but the seagulls down here seem to be about 5 times the size of the ****ers in Hull sscare the **** out of me them they look more likely to kick you if you get too close haha
