During the war.....

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getting my medal tomorrow morning then spending the rest of the afternoon getting pissed at £1 a pint

 

what medal u gettin?

 

Nice one bud. Have a few on me.

 

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.

 

just my afghan medal. this means i will now retire with a chest full of 2 medals.....

i'm actually hoping the queen dies soon as there'd probably be a coronation medal when the next toff gets the crown

Go on Lizzie! have another brandy!

 

did i mention that some guy did the west highland way in 31 hours, and we're looking to do it in 48........ and he was missing an arm and a leg.

prick

 

Maybe he could give you a hand......

 

all my mates think its hilarious

i think he has several advantages

1. he carries less weight

2. he has one of those blade things which effectively acts as a pogo stick so even if he wanted to he probably couldnt stop walking

3. he only gets blisters on one foot

4. he has inner cripple rage to power him along

prick

 

Cripple rage.....usually only seen at Post Offices without ramps.

 

inner cripple rage is what fuels outter cripple chipperness, which is what makes all these punters say inspiring things like "just because i dont have any arms now doesnt mean i cant still do what i used to!", oh yeah? have a **** then stumpy

 

Do you think they make a "****ing attachment" for artificial limbs?

 

i think once they had several squaddies through it probably got developed

ffs he built a new forward operating base and even included a wee **** chamber there was no privacy (even the bogs were fully open air) so we basically built a wee thing out of wire mesh and screening, it had an "occupied" sign and was covered in porn, it even had a couple of sandbags to sit on. they made us take it down when we handed over to the welsh gaurds. i dont know if welshmen dont masterbate or they just thought it wasnt the way they wanted the battalion to be regarded. officers can be funny like that.

 

The Welsh probably get in a circle and make a game of it.

 

****ing mutants.

i knew a guy who lost at soggy biscuit when he first went to the army and got beaten up because he wouldnt eat it. i so glad the army went soft before i rocked up

 

Only gays play soggy biscuit. When I was a student I had a **** into this dickheads gay imperial leather hand scrub though. He washed his face with my cum for a good few months without knowing it. My other mate rubbed his toothbrush all over his sweaty Barse too.

 

i half emptied a big welsh ****s rucksack, shat in it, and filled it up again.

he was a bullying ****er i'd had a bit of a half hearted scrap with.

 

My mate had to change squadrons during basic training because he gave a racist bully a hiding. The guy was picking on this wee Indian **** all the time and had a wee group with him all the time. My mate just waited until he was on his own and gave him the hiding to end all hidings. The guy left the army after it because he thought he was a hard case until my mate got a hold of him. My mate said the guy was crying and begging him not to hit him anymore.