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I have returned

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by AsprillasFurCoat, Apr 8, 2011.

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  1. AsprillasFurCoat

    AsprillasFurCoat Member

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    Hi all,

    Just to let you know, I've now returned from eleven years into the future on my trusty time-travelling moped (I've really got to get the brakes done on that thing). Thought I'd fill you in on what's been happening:

    The Sheiks still in control, and Pards is still manager, though he's now completely bald. He went through with the bet before our Champions League final, and now has 'All Mackems are twats' tatooed on his napper, and he now speaks with a Geordie accent.
    Wilshire's testemonial went well, good turn out.
    Leazes, you'll be happy to know you've been released on appeal following the discovery of 'new evidence' that has cast doubt on the conviction. Ashley's family were none too happy about it: 'If he didn't do it then who did?' etc. etc., but who really cares. Know it was a fair chunk out of your life, but I understand the compo payouts going to be quite big, and let's face it what you did (I know you did) is worth a few years in anyones book.
    Colo's still managing Argentina. He's appointed whats left of Maradonna as his number two (he's just a crazy head floating in a sealed galss jar of liquefied cocaine now), but they seem to have struck up a good partnership.
    Carrolls still playing. After those disastorous spells at Liverpool and Stoke, he went onto play for Crystal Palace, Donny, Macclesfield, Chesterfield, Luton (twice), Exeter, and he's now at Hamilton.
    The Leon Best stand's having some owrk done (oops, wasn't going to mention that, you don't know about whats to come, yet. Enjoy!)
    The Mackems lost to Oxford 0-2 while I was there, attendance 5,466. Fair do's, that's the best for 3 years.
    They're still selling those canny t-shirts from when we won the treble.
    Football wise, that's about it really. Away from the game, we're a republic now, after the great uprising. Though making Boris Johnson President for life might just turn out to be a mistake if you ask me.

    Here's the answers to the questions you asked me to find out about before I went:

    1. 80,000
    2. 7-1 (aet)
    3. A daschund named Bartholemew
    4. Lionel Messi
    5. Up the stairs, turn left and ask for Fiona
    6. the A4077
    7. Gervinho
    8. Apply a tincture of parsley oil to the affected area twice daily
    9. Crisps
    10. Not on your ****ing life, mate!
     
    #1
    AsprillasFurCoat, Apr 8, 2011
  2. Cal.

    Cal. Active Member

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    Ameobi still playing for us?
     
    #2
    Cal., Apr 8, 2011
  3. I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner

    I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner Well-Known Member

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    Should I be worried about what is to come? Or am I seen as a hero?
     
    #3
    I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner, Apr 8, 2011
  4. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    You need to ask that?
     
    #4
    Agent Bruce, Apr 8, 2011
  5. AsprillasFurCoat

    AsprillasFurCoat Member

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    Hero? Legend more like!
     
    #5
    AsprillasFurCoat, Apr 8, 2011
  6. I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner

    I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner Well-Known Member

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    Nice! Can't wait.
     
    #6
    I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner, Apr 8, 2011

  7. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    Leazes, you'll be happy to know you've been released on appeal following the discovery of 'new evidence' that has cast doubt on the conviction. Ashley's family were none too happy about it: 'If he didn't do it then who did?' etc. etc., but who really cares. Know it was a fair chunk out of your life, but I understand the compo payouts going to be quite big, and let's face it what you did (I know you did) is worth a few years in anyones book.
    __________________________________________
    Leazes know's he did it, you know he did it, I know he did and by tomorrow the whole world will know he did. Such is the following of this board.

    Bye bye Leazes, I'll send you the papers (Chronicle / Journal) with all the football articles in them.
     
    #7
    Agent Bruce, Apr 8, 2011
  8. AsprillasFurCoat

    AsprillasFurCoat Member

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    Oh, and one more thing - don't bend over in the showers....
     
    #8
    AsprillasFurCoat, Apr 8, 2011
  9. I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner

    I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner Well-Known Member

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    I have a feeling I know I will have done it, but if it makes me rich and a hero amongst the Newcastle Nation, then so be it!
     
    #9
    I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner, Apr 8, 2011
  10. I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner

    I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner Well-Known Member

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    Oh no, I don't turn into a bitch do I?
     
    #10
    I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner, Apr 8, 2011
  11. Cal.

    Cal. Active Member

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    A man can dream :cry: I'd imagine by then he'll be our top goal scorer of all time.
     
    #11
    Cal., Apr 8, 2011
  12. I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner

    I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner Well-Known Member

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    AFC

    How's Japan doing in that time?
     
    #12
    I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner, Apr 8, 2011
  13. AsprillasFurCoat

    AsprillasFurCoat Member

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    That's the answer to question 4.

    Japan? Apart from the top ten feet of Mount Fuji, there's not a lot to see..
     
    #13
    AsprillasFurCoat, Apr 8, 2011
  14. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    It might make you a hero but it won't make you rich and money wouldn't be much good to you where you're going.
     
    #14
    Agent Bruce, Apr 8, 2011
  15. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    White man graped by the inmates of Cell Block Z.
     
    #15
    Agent Bruce, Apr 8, 2011
  16. AsprillasFurCoat

    AsprillasFurCoat Member

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    Do you think it'd help him if I explained that he grows to like it ?
     
    #16
    AsprillasFurCoat, Apr 8, 2011
  17. I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner

    I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner Well-Known Member

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    **** this, I am taking my own trip. See you in 30 years.
     
    #17
    I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner, Apr 8, 2011
  18. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    <laugh> Scary pants. <laugh>
     
    #18
    Agent Bruce, Apr 9, 2011
  19. GrumpyTooth

    GrumpyTooth New Member

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    did chelsea ever win the champions league and what eventually happened to rooney
     
    #19
    GrumpyTooth, Apr 9, 2011
  20. AH

    AH Active Member

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    What happens to Ranger, does Margaret Thatcher ever give up and finally die, do Arsenal ever actually win anything again, and how much does 'Arrys face continue to droop?
     
    #20
    AH, Apr 9, 2011
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