The week in News with Nile Ranger

I as erd 2day dat wez iz sending de AIDS to Portugal.

Dats wrong do iniit?

Izs as been on olidaz to de Portugal and dey is well nice people do de food iz funny like.

Iz is gunna writez to me MP andz protest.

Wez also aving de war in Lebyar and dat iz wrong as well, innit. Wez just bombing an al dat but dey don’t needz bombz n ****. Dey needz sum food and ****.

Iz also writingz to me MP.

Wayne Rooney iz a twat, innit. Iz don’t wannaz be likes im. He’s ginga!

 

You knicked Jose's yellow star now OT?

 

Maybe it's a birthday present

 

Could well be, hope the rest of your presents are a little bit more worthwhile.

 

Your Geordie is coming along nicely Nile.

 

Can anyone translate from Chav to English?

 

When asked to comment on the situation arising in Libya, Ranger responded in a somewhat measured response.

'Wat dat wasteman gadafee is doin is nuttin but disrepectin his mandems. He is stealin bare tings from his tings, n dis iz gta stop innit. I waz conversin wit ma main bled who said we shud lock dis batty boy up innit.
Trust man wen i say dat dis gadafee bled wnt like big man jail, so many battys. Safe mantings i iz off to earn bare cheddar'


Sums it up perfectly if you ask me.

 

I have heard today that we are sending aid to Portugal.

That's wrong though isn't it.

I've been on holiday to Portugal and they are very nice people although the food is rather funny.

I'm going to write to my MP and protest.

We're also having a war in Libya and that is wrong as well isn't it. We're just bombing and all that but they don't need bombs and that s***.

I'm also writing to my MP.

Wayne Rooney is a twat isn't he. I don't want to be like him. He's ginger!