My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection...but she did. Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador .""f*ck that" says Mick" have you seen how many of their owners go blind" Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up! I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p* nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg" I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified. Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse! Do you think I should change dentists? A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair. I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said your obviously not f--k--g listening. The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back... I fell about at the dentist one. enjoy,
I was sat in the tattoo parlour earlier when a butterfly flew past with a picture of a slag on its wing....
Seen some tramp with a ****ing smurf on her arm the other day, a ****ing smurf Billy! Was in Fuengirola of course, not Marbs! Ha.
I can remember lads I went to the matches with as a younin & they had A.C.A.B tattooed on their knuckles. Well I had to ask, you know, lol.
Met a bird in the sixtys, thought she was a class act, until I woke up in her gaff, she was the first woman Id ever met, with a tattoo, and it was on her lower belly. and it said " pay as you enter " needless to say my exit was sharpish, she kept bugging me to have a relationship, but decided I was better off missing in London,,,,,,,,,True story.
