Sometimes when I watch the Premier League I wonder if the whole thing is a well choreographed drama or pantomime rather than a sporting contest, as every week there is a mind boggling incident or something happens which beggars belief. For instance, how can such an abject side as Wigan, with Antolin Alcaraz at the heart of the defence, suddenly transform into a beautiful footballing machine; how can a Man City side who were steamrollering sides with ease before Christmas falter so badly; how can someone smuggle a chicken into a football match at Ewood Park and how is Chris Foy still a Premiership referee? There is no answer to any of these bizarre happenings, so I assume the Premiership must be scripted, therefore I have suggested an eventful plot for them to use tomorrow: Man City (playing the role of the bad guys) will take an early lead, cue pictures of Tevez (chief villain) laughing with derision at his former employers across the city, while Mark Hughes looks on despairingly. Manchester United, taking on plucky Sunderland, who are battling stoutly, go 1-0 up but on hearing the news their heads drop and Sunderland quickly equalise. Surely nothing can stop City winning now... Ten minutes left; Fergie leaves his dugout and jumps on the phone, ''come on Sparky I believe in you'' says the Hairdryer. ''Mancini is bound to play a flat back 10 for the rest of the game, go for it''. Plucky Q.P.R under poorly treated Mark Hughes take a gamble matching City's formation while Mancini asks Platt if there is anyone else like Barry, De Jong and Pizarro he can add to the fray to sure it up at the back; ''is Patrick wearing studs up in the stands he inquires''. ''Don't worry'' says Platt, ''nothing can stop us now'' [cue evil giggling on the touchline like Dr Evil]... But just then Adel Taraabt picks up the ball following a misplaced City pass, he then jinks past all of Man City's outfield players before back-heeling the ball past a despairing Joe Hart. Silence all around the Etihad. They are still in line to win the title. Back at the Stadium of Light, they are still playing - we are into Fergie time, Manchester City fans and players twiddle their radios, waiting. Suddenly, Wayne Rooney takes a last gasp shot but a dogged Sunderland defender deflects it behind. Is there time for the corner, the referee looks at his watch, there are 10 seconds left. The corner is floated over by Ashley Young, but it is poor and too deep. The ball is thumped back in to the box but there are no United players where it is heading just two sturdy Sunderland centre backs. But wait, between the two mighty centre backs is a small ginger haystack - it's Paul Scholes. But he cannot reach the ball. You can see that he is stretching every sinew, but the defender gets there first to hack the ball away, Scholes jumps in desperately (a bit like his tackling). The ball strikes him on the derriere and loops up into the air... Mignolet is wrong-footed he cannot claw it out the ball bobbles in. Scholes walks back to the centre circle nonchalantly [Cue sickening scenes of delighted United fans around the globe]. Television cameras show contrasting scenes from the Etihad where Tevez is weeping uncontrollably and Balotelli is standing next to his manager adorning a t-shirt with the words ''why always us?'' emblazoned upon it. Meanwhile, a wistful Martin O'Neill pats a knowing Fergie on the back. Fergie looks at the camera and smiles knowingly. [Stuart Hall immediately begins a ditty ''what a pity for Man City'' he croons to BBC radio listeners, while John Salako in the Sky studios froths at the mouth gabbling about the intrigue of the Premier League: ''Jeff, they will be talking about this season for years''. END So what is your script for tomorrow?
Not sure on any scripts but don't knock Alcaraz, i've liked him since I was a young because his name reminded me Azkaban, which as any sane person will know is a top security prison for the wizarding world...
City win title, Bolton beat Stoke, Qpr learn to how to put relegation clauses into next seasons contracts.
Have been listening to Radio 5 over the couple of days and whenever they've been talking about the Premier League they've been saying what a fantastic season it has been. Then they say that the top teams aren't quite as good as they were last season, but it has been really exciting. The amusing thing is, I've not heard one single pundit, or one single commentator suggest that because the glamour clubs are so-called not-as-good-as-last-season [which I actually don't believe] the Premier League has become MORE COMPETITIVE and hence BETTER..!!! Also, it has [nearly] rivalled the Championship and lower leagues for excitement, for once.
There's no doubt in my mind about this at all. There has been a decline over the last few years which was finally manifested in the UCL this year.
If the Premier League does become as competitive as the Championship then I thiink we might enjoy it. If we just become cannon fodder then we might as well have stayed in the Championship and enjoyed ourselves.
Very worrying that his name reminds you of an amateurishly concocted facsimile and not the real prison (which is much more similar to his name) — Alcatraz!
Sorry, did someone mention me? I thought St Godders was dropping his 'H's' for a minute We will add to the squad this summer and we will be ok.
Here we go then, here's hoping for a hair raising afternoon of high entertainment football. Translated: Ere we go then, ere's oping for an air raising afternoon of igh entertainment football.
City win and get the title, ManYoo draw with Sunderland. I know City have spend shedloads of dosh but Manchester Utd have not exactly been frugal themselves over the years. I hope City win and add a new name to the PL winners list. Apart from anything else, I can't stand the thought of my elder nephew chanting 'Champions' for their entire visit this summer!
If United win 9-0 and City win 7-6, there will be a play-off to decide the outcome thanks to an archaic FA rule!
