Something to offend everyone!! Just to spice things up I said to my wife, "We'll do a bit of role playing tonight." She was well up for it. So I said, " You dress up like Whitney Houston, and I'll run you a bath..." xxxxxxxxxx Just had a parcel from Holland, when I opened it, it was a rubber fanny, that's nice I thought, two lips from Amsterdam. xxxxxxxxxx My dad worked on the roadworkâs for twenty years before he got fired for stealing! At first I didn't believe it... but when I got home all the signs were there. xxxxxxxxxx My new girlfriend said it would be at least six months before she'd consider sucking my cock.I told her I fully understood and respected her decision. I said I'd give her a call nearer the time! xxxxxxxxxx Kids know far too much these days. Today in the doctors waiting room, a little girl had her Barbie and Ken dolls imitating the doggy position. I told her, " If you keep doing that, you'll end up with lots of little baby dolls." She replied, "I don't think so dickhead, he's doing her up the arse!" xxxxxxxxxx A Muslim goes to heaven, "sorry we don't have your lot in here." Says Peter. The Muslim complains, "but I've lead a good and generous life, last week I gave ten pounds to a hungry tramp, then ten pounds to a homeless shelter and ten pounds to age concern." St.Peter says he will have a word with God. After five minutes St.Peter returns and says, "OK, I've spoken with God and he agrees with me, here's your thirty quid back, now **** off!" xxxxxxxxxx Two men are at the opposite side of the world but are thinking the exact same thing.. One is walking a tightrope between two skyscrapers, the other is having a blowjob from an 85 year old woman...What are they both thinking? Whatever you do Don't look down, just don't look down... xxxxxxxxxxx I'm fed up with the excuses women come out with to avoid having sex, like; "I'm tired, I'm washing my hair, I've got a headache, I'm your sister... xxxxxxxx I once knew a dental nurse who loved giving blow jobs and smoking weed. She was known as oral high Jean. xxxxxxxxx A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer. I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick. xxxxxxxxx My girlfriend says that a small penis wonât affect our relationship. Whether she's right or not, I'd prefer it if she didn't have one at all! xxxxxxxxxx A woman is walking down the street and see's a sign in the pet shop window reading, "FANNY LICKING FROG £25" curious the woman proceeds inside and says to the shop keeper, "I'd like to see the fanny licking frog please." To which the shop keeper replies, "Bonjour!" xxxxxxxxxx I was on a train this morning, in the loo.having a ****, when a voice called out "Can I see your ticket please?" "Not right now." I replied, "I'm having a ****." "I don't believe you." Said the voice. "Slide it under the door." "No probs," I said. "The yellow bits are Sweetcorn!" xxxxxxxxxx I saw a Paki lying unconscious in the street yesterday. I tried doing the hand-only CPR the way Vinnie Jones showed me on the British Heart Foundation TV advert, but by the time I found my Bee Gee's CD the ****er was already dead. xxxxxxxxxx Frank Carson has been found dead at his home with a dried biscuit lodged in his throat! When being examined at the scene by paramedics they discovered "It Was A Cracker!!!"
