Angela Merkel arrives at passport control in Athens: "Nationality" asks the immigration officer. "German" she replied. "Occupation" ...."No, just here for a few days"...
Enjoy all, especially Steve. A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Alberta when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?" Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a Member of Parliament for the Canadian Government", says Bud. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep...[NSFW]now give me back my F***** dog[/NSFW]
For Billy, Shamless & possibly Jerry Politically correct women descriptions... She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN She is not a SCREAMER or a MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED She is not a SLUT - she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER
- thanks, I enjoyed [video=youtube;40qSaBITc_k]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40qSaBITc_k&feature=player_embedded[/video]
or how about The 13 things that PMS stands for... 1. Pass My Shotgun 2. Psychotic Mood Shift 3. Perpetual Munching Spree 4. Puffy Mid-Section 5. People Make me Sick 6. Provide Me with Sweets 7. Pardon My Sobbing 8. Pimples May Surface 9. Pass My Sweatpants 10. Pissy Mood Syndrome 11. Plainly; Men Suck 12. Pack My Stuff 13. Potential Murder Suspect
Yo Billy, Just before I leave for home, one for the road............. There are 3 dogs in a veterinarian clinic: a Poodle, a Chihuahua, and a Great Dane. The poodle asks the Chihuahua," What are you in here for?" The Chihuahua says," Well usually Iâm a good dog...but I have a huge problem with my mail man. I donât know why, I just always have to bite him, and I gave him a serious injury. So... theyâre going to put me to sleep today. What are you here for?" he asks the poodle. The poodle says, "Well usually I'm a pretty good dog, but my owners son always sticks his finger in my food while I'm eating. And when he does that...I just got to bite him I donât know why. And I really hurt him. So there going to put me to sleep today." The two dogs look at the Great Dane, and the Great Dane is like 20 times bigger than them. And they ask," DAMN MAN!!! What are you in here for? You never see Great Danes in the pound." And the Great Dane says," Awwww, you guys wouldn't believe me if I told you." And they said, "JUST TELL US!" So the Great Dane says, "Well usually I'm a pretty good dog, but you see I have like the hottest owner in the world. Sheâs a beautiful woman with a HOT RACK and SEXY ASS. One day when she got out of the shower, she bent over to get a towel. When she did, I totally lost all self-control. So I mounted her and started GOING AT IT!!!" The two dogs say, "DAMN MAN!!! So theyâre going to put you to sleep too huh???â And the Great Dane replies, [NSFW]"HELL NO, I'M JUST HERE TO GET MY NAILS TRIMMED!"[/NSFW]
I suffer terribly from PMT, pre match tension, lol. Aye, many a good tune played on an old fiddle marra.
