Breaking News!!! Gary Glitter applies for vacant England managers job as he's heard two of the forwards ar Young and Bent
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women. Mixing the 'Clio' and 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in Pink, the average male car thief won't be able to find it let alone turn it on, even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it. Rumour has it though that it leaks transmission fluid once a month and can be a bitch to start in the mornings!
My next door neighbour just confronted me about items missing from her washing line. I nearly shat her pants!
A zookeeper says to Paddy "The Gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for £400?" Paddy replies "I will on 3 conditions: 1. My family won't find out 2. I don't have t kiss it, and 3. I need a cuple of weeks to get the mney together"
An wedding in Leeds ends in a riot as police arrest 20 and they all end up in court. The best man says to the judge: "Can I explain what happened? It's tradition for the best man to have the first dance with the bride which I did. I was dancing very close and the groom runs at us both and kicked his bride in the fanny!" "Gosh" says the judge, "That must've been sore!?" "Sore!?" Says the best man, "He broke 3 of my ****ing fingers!!!"
A young autograph hunter was really chuffed when he got Paul Mcshanes's autograph after a match. The following week he accosted Mcshane once more and got his autograph, and after the next game he tried to get it yet again. "Look here," said Mcshane, "this is the third time you've asked for my autograph. What's going on?" "Well," said the young man, "if I can get eight more of yours, I can swap them for Robert Korens
Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock Who's there? Michael J Fox
A Catholic boy lying is seriously injured after being hit by a car outside a church. A man runs to him and says, "Would you like me to fetch a priest, my son?" The boy replies, "Can't you see I'm ****ing dying? Sex is the last thing on my mind."
