Not had one of these for a while so though I'd start another one up as we could all do with a chuckle with the way things are going with the Tigers right now! So here's a few to start us off. Went to the Barbers and asked for a Liverpool FC haircut. Mess at the back, nothing on the sides and nothing up front. He charged me £130 million. On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed are you with Harry Potter? Nine and three quarters. Wayne Rooney went to go and visit Fabrice Muamba in hospital the other day. ''It's amazing, he can almost string a whole sentence together'' said Fabrice. Said to Mr T the other day that I would make him a dessert. He said ''Try fool'' and I said ''No, Apple Pie and Custard actually''. Tennis Ball walks into a pub, barman asks ''Have you have being served?''
How do you piss off a female archeologist? Give her a used tampon and ask her which period it came from.
i like my women like i like my coffee. from the 3rd world, relatively inexpensive and preferably ground down by someone else.
"brown and puckered with a pink tinge" it wasn't the reply i expected when i asked my female work colleague about her ring tone.
how do you know if your missus is too young for you? when you have to make the aeroplane noise to get your cock in her mouth...
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing you already told her twice. What do you call a woman with one black eye? A fast learner. Why is the space between a woman's boobs and her fanny called a waist? You could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything. His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?" Oh, no: I never found her head. There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women. After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself. It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course. Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So... They buried her.
whats black and screams? stevie wonder answering the iron. (edit-also use blunkett and white to avoid the racist card)..
a recent survey revealed 90% of women kiss with there eyes closed... probably why so many rapists go unpunished.
How do you make a dead baby float? One scoop of dead baby, one scoop of ice cream, and a pint of ginger ale.
What do you do to a deaf, dumb, and blind girl after you rape her? Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.
3 ducks in a bar.. havent seen you guys before says the barman, hows it going? the 1st duck says im huey, ive had a great day ive been in the park all day in and out of puddles, the 2nd duck pipes up, im duey, ive had a great day too, ive been with huey in the park in and out of puddles all day... the barman turns to the 3rd duck and says, you must be luey, you dont look very happy.. **** off says the 3rd duck, im puddles.
The results for the Hide and Seek world cup have finally come in. 3rd place - Saddam Hussein 2nd place - Osama Bin Laden 1st place - Madeleine McCann
Injury lawyers 4 U are ****ing ****e. When my neighbours 15 year old daughter cut herself climbing our fence, they told me to take a photo of her gash. Guess who's in court tomorrow...
