Dear Mr Harvey I have been informed of the dialect that took place between yourself and the Football Supporters Federation regarding the bans on ticket purchasing put in place on the memberships of the board of the Leeds United Supporters Trust. Paraphrasing somewhat: "Managers and executives manage, players play, and supporters should just support, and any right to an opinion ends at the turnstile." Well, I guess I'll just have to not go through the turnstile then. It would seem thousands of fans are taking the same stance as me. You need a harsh wake up call, to remind you that the club provides an entertainment service, and that we, as fans, or "customers" to you business types, have the right to complain if we do not feel we are getting the service we are paying for. It is not only courteous, but it is your job to listen to those complaints and make adjustments accordingly the improve the service you are providing. While, technically, any money we pay for this service is yours to decide how to use, we as the fans have the right to withdraw our custom if we feel our desires are not being listened to and we are not getting the service we are asking for. Do not even dare to insult us for then taking advantage of that right, claiming that we're "not getting behind the club" or we are "armchair supporters". Forget the drivel that Mr Bates is feeding people in his programme notes and egotistical rants on Yorkshire Radio, we know (from quoting the man himself) that season ticket renewals are down significantly compared to the same time last year. Despite Ken's claims that we had some 9500 renewals this stage last season, it was actually somewhere in the region of between 11000 and 12000. I know this because I remember reading about it in the programme notes of one of the 19 home games I attended. I'd get the quote, but it's effort that I'm not willing to put in to prove something you already know. The fans are showing that if you're not prepared to listen to them and improve a substandard service, then they are not prepared to pay extortionate rates for that service. You'll have to listen eventually when you barely have enough money to operate in the Championship because nobody's interested in going to matches any more. Actually, come to think of it you probably won't have to listen. By the time it gets to that stage it will be a case of not being able to afford to do anything having wasted all the money on pointless ventures that don't improve profits, don't improve service and certainly don't improve the most important part of a football club, the part that you seem so determined to downplay into oblivion: the playing staff. This brings me onto my next point quite nicely actually, the financial reports. Now I'm not about to claim to be any sort of financial whiz, but I do have common sense and I'm bloody brilliant at maths. In the language of arrogance, narcissism and obnoxiousness, when I was 8 years old I counted the number of dots on a piece of paper. The total was 1 million, it took me less than 5 seconds. Please explain to me, if, as we are so frequently told, the money from player sales goes straight back into the "warchest", do we have such a staggering amount of additional profit from player sales every year? Operating profit of £939 000, overall profit of £3 504 000. So player sales brought in an additional 2 565 000, and that certainly didn't get spent on the playing staff, on the basis of our pathetic showing in the transfer market last summer. Do try to remember that this figure was before the sales of Schmeichel and Gradel almost immediately after the end of the financial year, which we were told also went straight back into the "warchest". Further explain to me, why when Leeds United is making such a great profit, are the profit figures for Leeds City Holdings so much lower? An additional ~£1.8 million turnover of the whole company, yet operating profit is some £430 000 lower. Overall profit is £516 000 lower. Why is the football club paying for the losses of other business? The period previous to that, the turnover of Leeds United FC and Leeds City Holdings were about the same, yet the overall profit of Leeds City Holdings was over £500 000 lower? The operating loss of Leeds City Holdings was £500 000 more than that of Leeds United? I ask again, why is the football club paying for the failings of other businesses? The Centenary Pavilion - I guarantee this hasn't been much of a financial success, if any at all, in a low margin industry it won't be even making a dent on the stupid amount of money that was spent on building it. And the best part is, despite the fact that our ticket money paid to build it, we still have to pay to get in! Great. And the food isn't even included with the voucher any more. That's another matter, but the last time I was there I was in there for a grand total of 5 minutes, when I walked out in disgust at the fact that not only had the entrance fee gone up, the voucher no longer covered a meal. Feeling the squeeze of a failing business in a low margin industry, so take it out on the fans! They won't mind, they'll follow blindly and pay us no matter what. Yeah right. Yorkshire Radio - Shut this crap down. Let the BBC do match day commentary. As much as I like Thom Kirwin, and I do (he is a relative of my girlfriend's and a cracking bloke), the Matchday Programme is poor. Listening to Eddie Gray whinge for 90 minutes is depressing, and the communist style propaganda of shutting down anyone in the extra time phone in who dares suggest the club is being run poorly; it is, by the way, in case you hadn't noticed. Just to answer the question of "what's that noise? Why are metaphorical bricks going past the window and why is the room shaking?" that you must so frequently ask yourself in your head - it's the club falling down around you. Also, on the BBC we get decent quality sports journalism. It's not perfect, but it's damned good value for the price we pay. And we don't have to listen to "Hesco Bastion, protecting the troops" every two minutes. It would be fair enough if their advertising was paying for the station, but it's not. We are, because it's a miserable failure. Probably because the signal coverage of Minster FM is so dismally poor (I can't even pick up Minster FM at Elland Road - get it sorted) and nobody has a DAB radio because they are, in a word, pointless. Everyone uses the Internet for radio now. DAB would be useful if phone's supported it. They don't, which in itself is absurd, but it's probably because nobody bothers with DAB. Then again you can't let the BBC do it now, leaving Yorkshire Radio as the only option. The BBC dared to question the running of a club where nothing seems to add up financially. The cheek of it! What? Of course I'm being sarcastic, Shaun. Your policy on the BBC is pathetic and childish. Like most of the clubs policies on most key issues, oddly enough! I'm going to wrap up this email, because quite frankly I'm bored of it. I'm bored of you, I'm bored of Ken Bates, I'm bored of having insignificant news shoved in my face, I'm bored of the club trumpeting the signings of mediocre players on loan and nobodies on frees, I'm bored of being told over and over again that we have a "large, expensive squad" when every single programme I've read this season has shown the opposition to have larger squads that don't include unused youth players to pad the numbers. 27 players we have, the last I counted. At least two of those have not played for the Leeds United first team and a few of them were only played because we were desperate and had nobody else. I'm bored of Gwyn Williams - oh actually that reminds me! Why on earth do we have such a pathetic scouting system? I found out today that our only scout is Gwyn Williams, a board member who is, like all members of any board of executives, only interested in money. No wonder we only ever bring in poor players if that's the scouting system we've got. "Lets assign a board member as our only scout, that way we can make sure we only scout cheap players that can't make their own substandard first teams". Great idea. Your genius astounds me. I'm bored of it. Go back to delivering post, because you're clearly useless at running a football club. Rule number one of running a business - the customer is always right. How can you possibly overlook that fact? When the club is crumbling around you as a direct result of not valuing the customer, how on earth can you justify telling the Football Supporters Federation - a respected and increasingly powerful organisation set up to speak on behalf of the fans - that the fans have no opinion on how their club is run? We do have an opinion, we have an opinion of about £30 per person, per game. That adds up. I don't even want to know what next years financial report is going to look like, the losses will be horrendous as a result of your mismanagement. Thanks. You've done enough damage, now leave before you destroy one of the greatest football clubs in the country. As a final note, I expect a response. No matter how insulting or disrespectful you want to be, I want to hear what you have to say. I want you to be accountable for the constant stream of crap you throw at us, so come on, tell me why I'm so very "wrong". Tell me why you and the rest of the board are so infallible and incapable of error. Yours sincerely Mark Richardson Proud dissident, stubborn sickpot and disgruntled fan who is sick of third rate treatment. But not a moron, I am far from a moron.
Apart from replacing dialect with dialogue and cutting down the "I'm bored" paragraph, I quite enjoyed that. Make sure you scan in the response. I expect it to be something like: "Thank you for your valuable input, Mark. You're banned. And we have had you tailed by a very expensive PI paid for by your merry bunch of fellow supporters, and we will be publishing your hamster's date of birth in the match day programme. And I don't have time to respond properly to your points. Because I don't have answers to them, other than I'm in charge and you can feck off. Yours sincerely Shaun Of Beeston"
The aim was to be a little satirical and make sure he knew I was openly mocking him and looking down my nose at him. Not sure where I used dialect. Either way, I needed it to sound somewhat human and slightly informal. Can't include dark humour so well with a completely formal letter.
I forgot to point out that I used the language of narcissism because it was the only one he'd understand.
I'm quite tempted by the idea of chalking 'Harvey out' all over the pathway in front of his house in Birkenshaw. Which, by the way, isn't illegal because chalk isn't permanent graffiti. I'll let you all know if I get bored at some point next week and decide to give his place a little visit.
I also wrote a letter to Neil Warnock, but due to the nature of the "contact us" section and my incompetence in making sure I saved a copy, I am unable to show you what I wrote. I essentially told him he had my full support, and that I wanted to encourage him to walk if he gets any bullshit, reluctance or stubbornness from the board. Told him not to take any crap and that his career has been far too successful to end it in such a bollocks way due to a man that has all the charm and social grace of a pubic louse.
Just do it in spray paint, make sure it's 3am, that no one is around and that you cover your face and features sufficiently and they'll never find you. No police force is going to spend time and resources investigating graffiti. Especially not if the victim is Shaun Harvey, West Yorkshire Police will know exactly who he is and probably won't have time for his bullshit.
I'd be careful with that one, Iqbal. Permanence doesn't come into it. There are loads of public order laws they can make use of, whether in context or not. (In Scotland, it's much simpler. They have the 'Breach of the Peace' law that they can apply to anything they like - and do!).
'bored of being told over and over again that we have a "large, expensive squad" when every single programme I've read this season has shown the opposition to have larger squads that don't include unused youth players to pad the numbers.' That's always the first thing i look at when i get the programmes now. Yesterday the score was 32-28 in Watford's favour (deducted Kacaniklic from Watford's squad). Great points raised throughout Marko and agree with it all 100%.
Oh, I heard that it had to be a permanent marking for it to be actual graffiti. Might just discreetly blue-tack some 'Harvey out' posters to his wall and shove a few through his letterbox for good measure. If I can be bothered, like. I'd do it on the public pavement rather than on his driveway, otherwise he'd no doubt set his dogs on me or mobilize his personal Gestapo or something. A bit of the good old treatment. It's an option, although my journey home at that time would be a bit of a problem, being a non-driver! I did a bit of sprayed work to the bridge that crosses over the motorway from Holbeck to Beeston en route to ER, if you know where I mean. Not legible any more, mind.
Haha, have you seen the massive BATES OUT on the underpass on Lowfields Road? it's ****ing brilliant. Get the paint and the balaclavas, I can fix us up a driver who'll keep quiet quite easily.
Yes, that was what made me want to do it. There's a quality picture of it floating around Twitter somewhere with a grey, forlorn sky hanging over our cream, forlorn East Stand and those striking two words glaring at you as you enter the Bates premises. Major to whichever artiste did that. There was also an excellent 'Alan Smith - Judas scum' banner that got hung up opposite the club shop around the time Bates was bigging him up in his interviews. The people of South Leeds aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer, but they know how to get their point across, in fairness to them.
They don't have to be smart. The smart ones don't have the bollocks to do something like that. It's these south Leeds folk that are the true Yorkshire folk of our great city and I salute them. As for the Bates Out, we always park on Gelderd Road, so walking down Lowfields it makes me chuckle. Shame when I go on my own I walk up to Beeston Hill, past suicide park and down Elland Road, I miss out on it's brilliance
iqbal. trespass is not a criminal offence it is a civil offence. it becomes criminal if you cause damage. so dont danage anything and youre ok.
Graffiti counts as damage, but I keep forgetting that the plan is to not step on private property, instead defacing the public property just outside.
Cheers. Probably won't do it, but I'll make sure to shove a wad of leaflets in his letterbox if I do. If Jehovah's Witnesses can come onto your property without getting charged, I'm sure I can.
oh hahaha what a spacker. Woops. That won't go down well, I'll be branded a moron on the back of a minor error I made while nearly falling asleep at 1am despite the rest of my points being brilliant and right on the money.
