A penny coin was thrown onto the pitch at Fratton Park. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid
A new premier league directive: Any player caught passing the ball to Andy Carroll will be immediately booked for time wasting
1. Q: What do you get if you see a Skate fan buried up to his neck in sand? A: More sand. This and more can be found at http://www.humorsphere.com/football/soccer_jokes.htm
Players and staff from Portsmouth FC visited a local children's hospital over the Christmas period. "It's nice to put a smile on the faces of those who are worse off than we are and who are facing a long uphill struggle," said David Wilson aged 6.
around october time someone on here posted this: Man goes into a fancy dress shop asking for a specific outfit for a halloween party; the girl behind the desk gives him a pompey shirt to which the man says "No, I said I wanted to go as a count" Olden = Golden
David Beckham comes home from shopping one evening and rushes straight to Victoria to show off to her what he had bought. "What is it?" She asks. "It's a Thermos flask, love" he replies. "What's that do?" "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold" he exclaims. "So what you got in it then?" asks Victoria. "2 cups of tea and a choc ice". I win the cheesiest joke!
David Beckham came home and found Posh in bed with another player, he picked up a gun and pointed it to his head. Don't do it said Posh, shut up, you are next said Becks.
Becks discovers Victoria in bed with another bloke. He feels crushed. He says: "Get off me you two!" Ta da! ---- Actually Soccer is a diminutive or contraction of the word 'Association' as in Assoc., it's not an Americanism. The word "soccer" originated as an Oxford slang abbreviation of "association", and is credited to late nineteenth century English footballer, Charles Wreford-Brown. Another, Ta Da!
Not football jokes but very funny: Puns for Educated Minds 1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whiskey makers daughter, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from the algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery. 6. A dog gave birth to puppies on a pavement and was cited for littering. 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen floor in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.' 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger….. Then it hit me. 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said, 'Keep off the Grass.' 15. The midget fortune-teller that had escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 17. A backward poet writes inverse. 18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 19. When cannibals ate a missionary, was this when they got their first taste of religion? 20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine. 21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two bodies. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.' 22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!' 23. Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.' 25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 26. There was the person who posted ten puns for friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Obviously you've never heard, nor read on here, of the version involving Saints and Pompey, with Marian Pahars being our only representative.
ENGLAND V LATVIA 7min GOAL Marian Pahars 7min GOAL Michael Owen 11min SENDING OFF Marian Pahars 11min SENDING OFF Michael Owen 12min Match abandoned due to mass brawl
Sorry about these………………….. The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Strewth, talk about Dyson with death. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid....... Then I was petrified. I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said: "I love you". She said; "Is that you or the beer talking?" I replied: "It's me talking to the beer". They've opened a new shop across the road selling camouflage clothing but I have my suspicions something weird is going on. Yesterday I saw 20 people go in but I never saw anyone coming out. I've been on the phone for ages trying to book tickets for an Elvis tribute act, but it keeps asking me to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show...... I just brought a friend of mine a new fridge, should have seen his face light up when he opened it A friend of mine moved into a new house at the weekend so I took him over a couple of radiators. Just a little house warming present. I've just heard the window cleaner shouting and swearing outside my house. I think he's lost his rag. I went to my allotment last week and found someone had covered it with 2 inches of soil. I went again yesterday only to find it covered again with another 2 inches of soil. The plot thickens!!! A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.' My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! B*ll*cks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy. I start a new job in Seoul next week.. I thought it was a good Korea move. I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.
Damn, I'm up so late. Must get up that wooden hill. Can't think of a joke right now, but here's something you might enjoy. It's not even a joke, but you might find it funny, all the same. Click the link. The Real Meaning Of MPH
My Great Great uncle came over to Cyprus to celebrate his 95th birthday. As he'd been a widower for over 20 years I decided to treat him to a trip to a strip club. While we were in there, the girls kept coming over, like they do, to try and get you to pay for a lap-dance. Later on, a girl, who was offering "extras" came over to my G-G-Uncle and started murmuring "Super-Sex, Super-Sex, Super-Sex." A few minutes late another came over to him and said "Super-Sex, Super-Sex, Super-Sex". When a third girl came to him and said the same; "Super-Sex, Super-Sex, Super-Sex" he finally replied, with a resigned look upon his face....... "Could I have the Soup please"
This is true. At the time (late 19th Century I imagine), slang terms for the two sports emerged to distinguish them. Rugby Rules Football = "rugger" Association Rules Football = "soccer" The word "soccer" derived from the abbreviation "assoc."
Inspired by Godders third pun, how many daughter jokes can we get? She was only the fishmonger's daughter but I shagged her for the hallibut. She was only the chemist's daughter but Max Factor.
