As we seem to have a few comedians amongst us today thought I'd ask what is your favourite/best soccer joke. Lets try and have some that aren't about Pompey. David Beckham is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a 'tragedy'. One little boy stands up and offers that if my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street and a car came along and killed him that would be a tragedy. "No," Beckham says, "that would be an ACCIDENT." A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved..... that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Beckham. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room is silent, none of the children volunteer. "What?" asks Beckham, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says "If an airplane carrying David Beckham was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy." Beckham beams. "Marvellous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy "because it wouldn't be an accident and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."
One of my favorites is a very old one but i still chcukle at it. England are playing Scotland in a friendly and Keegan gets the lads around in a huddle in the changing room. " Right lads, we all know how crap scotland are so we really needn't bother playing a full team, so michael owen it's just going to be you playing them, the rest of us are going down the pub" . Once at the pub they look at the television in the 10th minute and owen is running off to thefans in celebration as he puts england 1-0 up. Keegan say " Parity is restored , turn the tv off we'll check it later ". When the game is over, the see the final score is 1-1. They run off out of the oub and into the changing room. Owen is there with his head in hands. " What the hell happened Michael?! cries Keegan. " Sorry gaffer, i got sent off in the 11th minute" .
I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said. "Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that." "Fine," I said, "I want to die when Portsmouth win the premier league." "You crafty ****!" said the fairy.
Sam Allerdyce was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping. He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" to which the old lady replied, "no way you got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!" or.... A saints fan and a portsmouth fan get into a nasty car accident. Both vehicles are wrecked, but neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the portsmouth fan sees the the shirt the saints fan is wearing and says, "So you're a saints fan, that's interesting. I'm a portsmouth fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." The saints fan replies,"yeah - this must indeed be a sign from God!......and look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and kicking?" He hands the bottle to the portsmouth fan who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the saints fan. The saints fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands back to the portsmouth fan who asks "aren't you having any?" The saints fan replies, "It's ok thanks...I'll just wait for the police"
Sam Allardyce says he is not putting himself forward for the England job but if he gets the call from the FA he will consider it. In other news, I'm not going to ask Katy Perry out, but if she fancies meeting me for a drink then I suppose I would have to think about it
Wasn't moaning at you mate! Just be nice if someone messaged you to tell you why or if there is a problem!
Portsmouth Chief Executive Peter Storrie meets with Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs about the clubs outstanding Tax Bill.. The Officer tells him - I am going to let you off with the £110m tax bill you owe as I am a great admirer of Pompey and I think they are a fantastic club. Storrie in a startled manner replies - Really? To which the Officer says - No, I am winding you up.
Well, no. Its official name is "Association football" ("soccer" for short). In any case, "football" is what it's officially known as in this country, otherwise the FA would be called the SA. Not that I have much issue with anyone using either.
Yeah originally Association Football, then shortened to soccer. However someone above was getting on their high horse about someone calling it soccer, which there is nothing wrong in doing so.
In truth Soccer surely is an Americanism......Did they not invent the word to distinguish the game from their National sport "American football" being the rugby type game. Then claiming that they had invented the game football in 1906 or some such which caused some big row with the british!
A woman goes to the doctors, and says "Dr, i have a really embarassing problem to do with my private parts" The Dr says; "dont worry madam i am a medical man, it is surely nothing i havent seen before." At this point the lady pulls down her knickers and there is a cork in her minge. She pulls it out and a voice sings;"play up pompey, pompey play up" "So you see," said the woman. "Is it comnon?" "Common!" said the doctor, "20,000 tw*ts do that at fratton park every other saturday!!!"
