The Howson thread reminded me (don't ask me to explain why) of several put downs, some famous. One of the most famous is the Churchill one to Lady Astor who on berating Churchill for being drunk was told, "Yes madam and you're ugly, but in the morning, I'll be sober". One of my favourites was the comedian at the Comedy Store who came on stage and announced "I'm a schizophrenic!" to which the reply from a member of the audience was, "Well **** off, the pair of you!" Anybody else got any favourites?
From 'Gimme Gimme Gimme' - "You're so far back in the closet, you're in fookin Narnia" Eric Morcombe to Andre Previn - "I'm playing all the right notes, just not necessarily in the right order" Everyone has a right to be ugly, but you abuse the privilege. You're so far from the truth, you'd have to get a plane to reach it.
Nye Bevin in House of Commons urinal when Churchill walks in and goes right down the far end! Bevin, "Feeling a bit stand offish today, Winston?" Churchill, "It's not that, every time you see something big, you want to nationalise it!"
Oscar Wilde : There's only one thing worse than being talked about and that's not being talked about! Winston on Attlee : He is a very modest man and to be fair he has a great deal to be modest about!
Brian Clough when asked if he thought he was a good Manager. Cloughies reply was something like" I was certainly in the top 1 young man" Classic
Brian Clough When having a disagreement with a player : We would sit down and talk about it and then decide that I was right!
I forget who asked the question and who answered it but.... Q: Why do people take an instant dislike to me? A: Because it saves time.
Reporter in Ipswich says to a passerby "Does your town boast a football team?" Reply, "Well we have a team but their nothing to boast about"
Another Winston Churchill classic Nancy Astor - If you were my husband, I would poison your tea. Churchill - Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
Paul Merton to a heckler: “Excuse me, I’m trying to work here. How would you like it if I stood yelling down the alley while you’re giving blowjobs to transsexuals?” A blind heckler to Frank Skinner: “Get off, you bastard!” ........ “Has he gone yet?”
Mrs Merton - The Mrs Merton Show. To Debbie McGee: "So what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"
Great story about Viv Richards playing in a tour match in the early 80's against a minor counties side when a cocky young bowler (don't know his name) managed to bowl two beautiful outswingers that big Viv conspired to play and miss at. Feeling bullish the bowler charged down the wicket to wind up the West Indian legend by saying "hey Viv, it's a little round red thing, made of leather, about this big" to which Viv stared at him in silence awaiting the next ball. This next ball Viv duly dispatched way, way over the long on boundary and out of the ground for a massive six after which he nonchalantly strolled up to the now humbled bowler and offered him the advice "well smart arse, you know what it looks like so best you go and find the ****er!" Legend
ali g to victoria beckham "so victoria, would you like brooklyn to grow up to become a famous footballer, like his dad, or a famous singer, like mariah carey?"
