britians most expensive geordie andy carroll has had his trademark ponytail stolen on his first day in liverpool. the 23 year old from byker grove in newcastle was surrounded by a gang off curly haired, moustached, shell suit wearing stereotypes as he left the linda mccartney steakhouse, in the john f lennon airport. ah was minding me own buisness like, said the 6 foot 6 striker 'when of a sudden like i was accosted by 3 men no bigger than ant and dec and pj duncan. one of them says to me like. are you andy carol? so ah says no like ah'm andy carroll with 2 r's and 2 l's like. so he replies, ok mate thought you were someone else, shakes me hand like and then him and his mates walk off laughing to themselves. like ah goes to the toilet like, then after ah wash me hands ah look ithe mirror and noticed something was different. me ponytail that ah've been growing since ah was a bairn was misssing. those cheeky fellas must have cut it off, when they were pretending they thought ah was someone else. ah feel like paul gascoigne without his jimmy fivebellies. ah feel like sting without his fella from the rainforest with a big disc thing stuck in his lip. ah feel like jimmy nail without his crocodile shoes, and ah havn't even got a bloody clue who he is like. ah'm naked man ah dinnae think ah'll be able to play football again till it grows back like. police are appealling for witnessess and are offering a reward for information leading to the return of carrolls ponytail. this must have been a very hairy experience said chief constable ringo harrison. these thieves are notorious and often work in bunches. we believe they might come from the nearby wig-an area. we hope to catch them soon. we want them toupee their debt to society
Andy Carroll, didn't he sing that song................. I'll be your the longhaired lady boy from liverpool
Have some sympathy for the poor lad, it must have been a hair raising experience. Perhaps the cruellest cut of all.
Nromally stay in the Landmark when I'm in BK, will see if I can see him next time I'm there. I like to use the pub up the road to watch football the one that has Magners on draft.
