Lighten up & let’s have a good laugh

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What woman can,

Wash up with her left hand,
cook the dinner with her right hand,
sweep the floor with her left leg,
do the dusting with her right leg,
give you a blow job,
and open a bottle of beer with her arse?






























































A Swiss army wife.
 
The Royal Air Force develops a new fighter jet. It is very fast, extremely agile and more or less the perfect aircraft.
Only one problem occurs time and again - the wings keep breaking off.

No matter what the engineers try, they fail to solve the problem.
The Ministry of Defence offers a special prize of £100,000 to anyone who can find a solution.

Among the thousands of submissions is a letter from Mrs. Brenda White, 70, of Grimsby. She recommends applying perforations to the points where the wings keep breaking off.

All the experts have a good laugh at old Brenda and try out the other suggested solutions first, but none of them work.

In the end, they perforate the wings at the points where they otherwise break off - and the wings stay intact!

All the experts are astonished and all of them want to know how old Brenda hit upon the idea for the solution. When she comes to the Ministry to receive her prize, the Minister of Defence himself asks her directly.

"Well, you know," says Brenda, "it's quite simple really" [NSFW]Has your toilet paper ever torn at the perforations?[/NSFW]
 
SafcPenguin said:
Bloke walks into a bar with a 6 foot blonde and a dwarf - they approach the bar and the bloke orders two pints of lager and bacardi and coke for the woman - the dwarf says "its your round i'm not paying for them". They drink these and the bloke orders the same drinks and the dwarf says "its your round i'm not paying for them". This goes on all night and the barmans curiosity gets the better of him so he ask the bloke whats the score here so the bloke replies " I was walking along the beach and I found this bottle so I picked it up and rubbed it then this genie came out and said he would grant me two wishes so for my first wish i asked for two million pounds and for my second wish I asked for......
a big blonde with a tight little c**t.
Click to expand...

Apparently most midgets feel unfairly discriminated against, shunned in society, denied jobs and equal opportunities, as well as being constantly made the butt of jokes.
A new campaign is being launched to "Reach Out to the Little People of Britain."

That should, of course, be "Reach Down..."
 
What do you call a bloke with a spade stuck in his head - Doug

What do you call a bloke with a seagull on his head - Cliff

What do you call a bloke with a car on his head - Jack
 
A man comes home from work to find his wife in a very sexy nightie, "tie me up big lad & you can do anything you like".

So he tied her up & went to the match.
 
I just phoned the council and told them i raped a a fat ginger bird last night. The women who answered my call told me its the police that you should phone and not the council, i said '**** off' i am not confessing, i just want the lights fixing in the park
 
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