An email I got sent containing a forum rant from a disgruntled QPR fan! Thought you lot would enjoy it, although im sure many of you avae seen it before. Apologies if its already been posted. I take more pleasure in seeing Chelsea lose than I do in seeing QPR win at the moment. I sat through so many matches when we were absolute dogs**t under the likes of Ray Harford and with people like Paul Bruce, Matthew Brazier and Mark Perry in the squad and I never felt like this. The club isn't ours anymore but more so than that - football is just properly gash these days. I mean really gash. football generally. I hate nearly everything about it these days.... I hate the Prem and the myth that it is exciting this year. Man City breaking into the top four isn't exciting. They spent loads of money. It's no more exciting that Nameless C*** getting to number 1 in the charts after winning the X-Factor. I hate the myth of Arsene's kids. Buying some French kid when he's 17, playing him in the League Cup and then selling him when he's 20 after about 3 appearances in the league is NOTHING SPECIAL. I hate hearing about Liverpool/Man Utd's debt but nothing ever happening about it. A club needs to go to the wall for the money thing to change but it doesn't happen. Why the **** are Charlton, Leeds and Southampton still in business? I hate Frank Lampard's stupid f'ing face. I hate that Joe Cole's tongue is never in his mouth, the downsy spacker. I hate John Terry being England captain when he's CLEARLY AN OAF. I hate the England team. I hate young exciting wingers who have nothing but pace. Tony Scully had nothing but pace. I hate the FA Cup. There may be little shocks like last night but for the most part you know who's going to win it. Unless a team throws away all their financial security to win it a la Pompey. I hate Harry f'ing Redknapp. And Jamie Redknapp. And Louise Redknapp. And the Wii. I hate James Nesbitt, Eammon Holmes and f***ing everyone. I hate Gary Lineker and Alan Shearer. I hate Garth Crooks. I hate Garth Brooks for that matter. I hate Sky Sports. I hate that when a lower league player beats 10 players and chips the keeper it doesn't matter but if Rooney scores from more than 20 yards it's amazing. I hate that everything football related has to have 'Club Foot' playing behind it. I hate that female sports journos are now mandatory. I hate Mark Lawrensen for not coming out. 'I do like a big man at the back'. I bet you do. I hate any advert that portrays football to be about anything other than pain and disappointment. I hate any advert that mentions pies at football. I hate Lee Hughes and the fact that he makes a living from the game. I hate Marlon King and any team that signs him when he gets out. I hate that it'll probably be us. I hate Phil Brown. I hate 'well the ball is a lot lighter now and will cause goalkeepers real problems this summer' before EVERY F'ING TOURNAMENT. I hate that Kieron Dyer earned more in the time I took to write this post than I'll earn this month. I hate Adrian Durham, Ian Wright and Alan Brazil. I hate Gazza. Either die or shut up. Stop f'ing lingering. I hate hearing about Hillsborough more than I hear about Heysel or Bradford. I hate that a comeback from 4-0 down at half time (TWICE) means nothing because we aren't f'ing scouse. I hate Leeds. I hate Roy Keane. I hate grown men wearing football shirts of their team whilst shopping on a saturday when their team is playing at home. I hate that I don't hate Roy Hodgson. I hate Jermaine Beckford and any player who has neck tattoos. I hate songs being inappropriately taken as club anthems and then sung in a manly way. 'I'm forever blowing bubbles....'. Gaylords. I hate Danny Dyer and anyone he's ever interviewed. I hate the book 'Cass' by Cass Pennant. It is honestly the stupidest thing I've ever read. Chapter 1: Millwall. 'Yeah we took 50 to Millwall. They had 1000 in their mob but we ran 'em up and down the street'. Chapter 2: Liverpool. 'Yeah we took 50 to Liverpool. They had 2000 in their mob but we ran 'em up and down the street'. Fk me... Jade Goody's autobiography is probably better. Even her non-ghost written one. I hate that all good youngsters end their careers at Spurs before they start.
Not quite as good as Poojah's on the fishy site... Dear Players of Grimsby Town FC, I am writing with regard to my absolute astonishment and disbelief as to the sheer magnitude of your complete lack of talent and failure to carry out the job for which you are paid to do. I am not aware of any swear word or other derogatory phrase in my current vocabulary which comes close to a description of your ‘performance’ (and I use that term loosely) this afternoon, but let me just say that you have collectively reached a level of inadequacy and ineptitude that neither I nor modern science had previously considered possible. In fact I recall a time, in my youth, when I decided to call in sick at work and instead spent the entire day in my one bedroom flat wearing nothing but my underpants, eating toast and ****ing furiously over second-rate Scandinavian porn. Yet somehow, I still managed to contribute more to my employer in that one Andrex-filled day than you complete bunch of toss-baskets have contributed to this club in your entire time here. I would genuinely like to know how you pathetic little pishflaps sleep at night, knowing full well that you have taken my money and that of several thousand others and delivered precisely **** all in return. I run a business myself, and I believe I could take any 4,000 of my customers at random; burn down their houses, impregnate their wives and then dismember their children before systematically sending them back in the post, limb-by-limb, and still ensure a level of customer satisfaction which exceeds that which I have experienced at Blundell Park at any time so far this season. You are a total disgrace, not only to your profession, not only to the human race, but to nature itself. This may sound like an exaggeration, but believe me when I say that I have passed kidney stones which have brought me a greater level of pleasure and entertainment than watching each of you worthless excuses for professional footballers attempt to play a game you are clearly incapable of playing, week-in, week-out. I considered, for a second, that I was perhaps being a little too harsh. But then I recalled that I have blindly given you all the benefit of the doubt for too long now. Yes, for too long you have failed to earn the air you’ve been breathing by offering any kind of tangible quality either as footballers or as people in general. As such, I feel it’s only fair that your supply runs out forthwith. I trust, at this precise moment in time, that Mr Fenty is in his office tapping away on the easyJet web site booking you all one-way flights to Zurich, complete with an overnight stay with our cheese eating friends at Dignitas. Don’t bother packing your toothbrush – you won’t need it. In the event that our beloved chairman can’t afford the expense (understandable given that he’s soon going to have to assemble a new squad from scratch), then I am prepared to sell my family (including my unborn child) to a dubious consortium of Middle Eastern businessmen in order to pay for the flights. Christ, I’ll drive you there myself, one-by one, without sleep, if I have to. Failing that, understanding that most dubious Middle Eastern businessmen are tied-up purchasing Premier League football clubs, I ask you to please take matters into your hands. Use your imagination, guys – strangle yourselves or cover yourself in tinfoil and take a fork to a nearby plug socket, or something. Just put yourselves and us fans out of our collective misery. So, in summary, you pack of repugnant, sputum-filled, invertebrate ****ers; leave this club now and don’t you ****ing dare look back. You’ve consistently demonstrated less passion and desire than can commonly be found within the contents of a sloth’s scrotum, so frankly you can just all **** off – don’t pass go, don’t collect your wages, don’t ever come back to this town again. I look forward to you serving me at my local McDonald’s drive-through in the near future. Yours sincerely A very disillusioned Mariner
OLM, I have read something similar to this last year, and, this did the exact same,................ i.e., laughing out loudly, with tears rolling down my cheeks, whilst worrying about the onset of bladder weakness.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaa i actual have fallen in love with both of them people who have wrote them! Why can we not have a fan going a huge rant about the importance of fans creating an atmosphere in our stadium ? would be class to read
Because it's not actually that important? When the players and management realise that you need to attack as well as defend then the atmosphere will pick up. Otherwise the fans will remain silent throughout the absolute dross we have been seeing this season and will continue to see. All the while people on here claim "oooh it's so good, these 1-0 defeats at home are just exhilarating to watch, I love Pearson, I love Nick Barmby and above all else I love watching 5 foot strikers attempt to reach the long ball, because if nothing else it's entertaining". It's not entertaining, most people realise this, just not the parallel universe known as "Hull City's Not606 board".
Also I find it hilarious that you find a QPR fan's negativity hilarious. Shouldn't you be telling him to **** off and appreciate where he's come from?
Twf'ys "football rants", last night, took the prize for ""funniest forum rant" !! Keep them coming and we will see who wins tonight, lads. Twf'y', as you won last night, you cannot enter todays, but, you can come back tomorrow, and try again!!
One day TWF will learn that it's not good to have an atmosphere like a morgue in a stadium, whether you are the Tigers or Barcelona. It doesn't matter how well you think the team are playing, make your voice heard and get behind the lads!
One day you'll learn that it's not good to play long ball to five foot strikers, and that it's better to have a Plan B once the plan A of "defend, defend, defend" has failed again at home. The atmosphere will never improve whilst we're playing this ****e brand of football, once the players finally decide to make an effort, maybe the fans will too, but whilst we're having to kick it over the midfield to avoid the risks of James Harper actually touching the ball this will never change.
TWF recently I agreed with a lot of your comments however I disagree with you that it’s not all about defence. Fair enough it’s not ALL about defence however I believe the basis of a successful team is often built on not conceding many. Barca are currently banded around for being the best team in the world and their forwards get all the plaudits however if you look at the league they have conceded only 8 goals all season. If you have a strong back line and aren’t conceding then at very least if your strikers misfire you are getting a draw. Whereas if you throw men forward and try and out score teams all the time very rarely is it successful, look at west brom of the course of the years constantly yoyo’ing in and out of the prem playing this way. It is also going to be Blackpools downfall this year. However I do agree there needs to be a happy medium, and believe we are one creative player short of having this, we are sound defensively and up front we just need a lynch pin in the middle to start supplying these forwards. I agree before you say it someone like Bullard but facts are his days at City whatever the reasons are finances or personal reasons are over. A winger on the opposite wing to Stewart next year and a creative player joining Evans in the middle will be a match winning formula.
Most of that rant is nonsense, as a QPR fan he should realise that Taarabt and Kyle Walker have done fairly well for themselves by going to Spurs. That bit about 'a great goal doesn't matter if it's a lower league player' is just utter crap, everyone is saying that at the moment and it's immensely untrue. There was some Irish team recently that scored a beautiful backheel and it got into Sky's '6 of the best' thing, I don't even know what team it was that's how lowly it was but it still got the recognition it deserved on Sky. It's a myth that they don't bother with the lower teams. The idea that every single sports broadcaster or journalist is rubbish is also a myth, and the public hatred of Phil Brown just confuses me. There's so many managers in the PL who are just massive tossers who talk complete bollocks, and yet people hate Phil Brown for having a tan. I can see why some City fans dislike him but I don't get why neutrals chose to pick on him so much when there's people like Pulis, McCarthy, Warnock and others spouting bullshit all the time. Oh and TWF, I have to agree with you on bits of what you're saying. Our home performances are appalling, we don't like anything like scoring at home. The strikers get no service whatsoever and we have no plan B for when we get closed down a lot. There has to be link between this and the atmosphere inside the ground. But likewise we should be doing what we can to generate the noise that gets them going. Unfortunately it seems your reputation leads to you being shot down at every opportunity.
Just out of interest, while you're doing your maths course, do all of your sums end up with negative answers?
Depends what you've got to start with really for instance, if you have (-1)+(-1) then you get an answer of (-2), basically, if you add two negatives together you get another negative, so: Adam Pearson + Nigel Pearson = A negative outcome. Just simple maths really.
Let's try not adding them then: Adam Pearson x Nigel Pearson (-1) x (-1) = 1 = POSITIVE OUTCOME! Woo!
Ok, but I'm really not comfortable with out manager and chairman multiplying. I'm not homophobic, I just don't think it's appropriate.
You always seem to be adding 1 + 1 but making 5, are you sure your calculator doesn't need new batteries?
The QPR rant is from at least a year ago, and I think 2 since I first saw it. Even though it's the only time I've ever seen a goal scored like that the Irish team had their goal shown less in the 6 months from when it was scored to when it was up for FIFA's award than Rooney's recent goal was shown and held up as though it was one of the best of all time in the space of a weekend, despite Peter Crouch, Amir Zaki, and even Rory Delap having scored similar goals that were just as good in recent years.
