I got a wedding tomorrow

Practice yer "listening face" while your're mentally considering how she looks naked.

 

Stand near the ladies toilets then sniff them as they walk out and tell them they smell brilliant whilst rubbing your crotch..


another favourite of mine is Hi can i stand here......

 

Who says men can't multi task

 

Sorry, what was the question? I was too busy typing this.

 

Right, I got ruined and spent £36 on a cigar

 

Did you get your hole?

 

No single ladies at the wedding, I just got wasted instead and became very loud.

 

Why do I imagine you look like this?

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No single ladies? Poor show

There's normally at least a fat bridesmaid who'll give you a handjob in the toilets

 

Because I do

 

There was a stunning bar maid who I followed around, it may have got a bit creepy.

 

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Was she having none of it?

Probably a dyke

 

Well, it was a posh hotel and I didn't really have the balls to chat up the barmaid at a family wedding because I didn't want to make a twat of myself

 

I'll be on the lookout for some cougars just like her at a party tonight

 

In future do it anyway and then justify it through being haunted by a parent's divorce, a broken relationship, the rape of a family pet etc. Always works for me.

I'm going to a christening this afternoon and think I'm just going to say things like "I'm sure Myra Hindley looked really cute when she was baptised as well"......

 

Proud of ye, son

 

Ye make a joke of the chat up, till you get a vibe from her which way she would go if you went a bit serious on it. No harm, no foul, no red neck.