Which do you feel is the most likely to be in the news come monday? Walter Smith "i resign - i'l never be able to keep up with Lennon - so i bow out now" or Moutain rescuer " the three individuals were found dead in the snow, all 3 were sharing one sleeping bag - but were naked for some reason"
Polished Off A young man was devoured by a family of cannibal Polish immigrants living next door to him. To add insult to injury they had been scamming his bank account, to fund the purchase of the cooking utensils and ingredients used during the disgusting slaughter and subsequent feast.
FERGIE: I FEARED SCHOLESY WAS FINISHED The Man Utd gaffer had a call from a surgeon friend informing him that his veteran midfield star had been brought into his operating theatre after having both legs amputated in a brutal chainsaw attack by his Polish neighbour. However when Sir Alex rang Scholes' wife in a panic he was relieved when Paul answered the phone. The identity of the attack victim is still unknown, as he is only able to mutter the words "closed me feckin Council Tax account" and "wheres me feckin laptop".
