Your Best and Worst

Yeah you dont just jump into bed with terry tibbs, you wine him dine him, give him an oil massage

but seriously what do you want him to do, take you to a log cabin for the weekend ffs

 

Faves;
Tiote - Beast of a player, love his determination
Krul - Been a fave since his debut vs Palermo, he was a god that day
Guti - Does the work of two, can't do better than that

Muppets;
Smith - Highest paid player but treats the club like a retirement home
Ranger - Rather be a gangsta than a player. Dickhead
Shola - Most frustrating player on the planet.

 

yay; Benny, Ba, Colo. No need to explain why.

nay; Shola, Perch, Obertan. Just because they aren't good enough for the first team and I get angry when I see them on the pitch.

 

I like Perch and I'm actually feeling okay when he comes on in the CDM position to see out games. He's plays the role decently effectively when we're winning.

For me:

Ba - Incredible human/syrup enthusiast/goalscorer/beauty
Tiote - One of the greatest humans ever, wayyy ahead of Marie Curie.
Colo - Passionate, determined, solid. Not to mention his luscious locks.

Smith - **** player, **** life
Ranger - I guess i'm just one of his haterzzz. haterz gon' hate
Don't have a third, the rest of our squad are beauts

 

I don't buy the 'he impresses in training' ****. At the end of the day it only matters what you do on the matchday. And yeah Shola the second, he looks clumsy on the ball, is quite lazy, technically not the best and I can't in any way see him fulfilling his apparent potential.

 

I like Shola but I don't understand that if we're looking for a target man, why Pardew favours Shola over Best?

Best wins much more in the air, has better ball control and generally passes it better.

 

Best:

Colo - Unbelievably talented player, some of his skills bamboozling centre forwards are brilliant, not to mention what a great captain he's been. He's understated but still exudes a sense of authority.
Saylor - Still plays the game with such boyish enthusiasm, and will put his body in the way of everything for his club.
Best - Love it when he sticks it to the doubters, massively underrated player and actually quite gifted with some moments of great skill. Obviously Ba would be the normal choice but I'm a sucker for the underdog so Leon gets this one.

Worst:

Ranger - ****er of the highest order. Clearly has talent but is very raw and sadly will amount to nothing because of his terrible attitude. Has had chance after chance to turn it around, don't want him sullying the good name of NUFC.
Obertan - Purely for being the most frustrating player I've ever watched for us, ahead of even Shola.
Smith - Not very good is putting it kindly, bleeding the club dry.

 

When Shola's in the mood he wins more and holds it up better than Best.

 

Favourites
1 England GK Steve Harper
2 Argentina DF Fabricio Coloccini (captain)
3 Italy DF Davide Santon
4 France MF Yohan Cabaye
5 England DF Danny Simpson
6 England DF Mike Williamson
8 England MF Danny Guthrie
9 Senegal FW Papiss Cissé
10 France MF Hatem Ben Arfa
11 Denmark FW Peter Løvenkrands
13 Algeria MF Mehdi Abeid
14 England DF James Perch
15 England MF Dan Gosling
16 England DF Ryan Taylor
17 England MF Alan Smith

No. Position Player
18 Argentina MF Jonás Gutiérrez
19 Senegal FW Demba Ba
20 Republic of Ireland FW Leon Best
22 France MF Sylvain Marveaux
23 England FW Shola Ameobi
24 Côte d'Ivoire MF Cheick Tioté
25 France MF Gabriel Obertan
26 Netherlands GK Tim Krul
27 England DF Steven Taylor
28 England FW Sammy Ameobi
29 Slovenia MF Haris Vučkić
31 Northern Ireland DF Shane Ferguson
34 England DF James Tavernier
35 England GK Rob Elliot
40 Hungary DF Tamás Kádár

 

Ew you like Smith

 

FAVOURITE
1 Coloccini - The love of my life, I'd let him shag my (future) wife
2 Saylor - Geordie passion, great defender, we miss him when he isn't playing (well did before Willo came back )
3 Jonas - Seems a great character, 100%er and I'm named after him

LEAST FAVOURITE
1 Smith - Knows he will never play for us, but couldn't care less, out highest earner aswell (apparently)
2 Perch - Nice lad etc. but ****ing ****e footballer
3 Ranger - Arsehole

 

Best:

Krul - one of the best keepers in the league and been at the club for years now
Cabaye - chose SJP over Champions League football
Coloccini - class footballing centre half with a quality hair do

Worst:

Smith & Xisco - simply because they don't feature and take up a big chunk of the wage budget. Wouldn't say I dislike them because of it though, can't say I'd be too keen on giving up £50k+/week!
Ranger - too much bother off the pitch and haven't seen that much potential on it either

 

Best:

Coloccini
Ba
Krul

Worst:

Perch
Xisco
Shola (I'm sorry)

 

I can't beleive any less than 100% of people have Ranger bottom. At least most of our **** players (Shola, Lovenkrands, Perch etc) seem quite nice and have a decent standard of professionalism! Anyway, in no particular order:

Top 3:

Krul - Quality keeper, seems to love it here, always got a smile on his face.
Sammy - Such a nice person haha.
Collo - Captain fantasic. Soooooo composed at the back. He also seems like a great guy and he owns an 'orphanage'.

Honourable mentins to: Ba, Guthrie, Cabaye, Saylor, Gutierrez, Best, Vuckic, Shola and Tiote

Bottom 3

Ranger - Absolute tosser. Most people would kill to do what he does but he doesn't seem to realise what he's got. Waste of talent.
Elliot - ****, and his face annoys me.
Obertan - I'm all for giving him time but he always goes into tackles half heartedly.

 

Favourites:

- Colo for obvious, curly-haired reasons
- Saylor 'cos he loves the club, plays his heart out every second of every match and is a bloody good defender to boot
- Vuckic 'cos he's always smiling, loving life and shows what this club is all about at the moment! Not to mention the mini celebration against liverpool after being knocked into next week, and the very premature celebration before Sammy even shot against Scunthorpe

The Baddies:

- Ranger, just blew every opportunity he's been given
- Shola, loves the club as much as Saylor for all but 90 minutes of the week (180 if we've got 2 games)
- Elliot (thanks for the idea Minty Fresh!!) mainly 'cos his twitter statuses have so many exclamation marks it pisses me off no end!

 

Best:

Coloccini - Superb Captain, leads by example.

Ba - Goals win games and this guy knows how to score goals!

Saylor - All gives 110%, loves the club and has been fantastic this season up to his injury.

This was tough I could have easily picked Krul, Cabaye or Shola.

Worst:

Obertan - The worst player I have seen play for Newcastle United.

Xisco - I feel sorry for him basically we ruined his career. He makes it onto the list though because he does nothing for the club and should have left a long time ago.

EDIT: Forgot about Ranger so I'll put him in now. He's just a thug, biggest waste of space ever, he belongs in jail.

 

Most:
Ba
Guthrie
Cabaye

Least:
Elliot
Simpson
Xisco

I don't dislike any of our players though, I just like these three less than the rest.

 

Favourite:

Ba - A ****load of goals
Coloccini - Fantastic captain, model professional, excellent footballer
Ben Arfa - Hasn't been given the run in the team he deserves, but I love him as a player

Least Favourite:

Smith - Overpaid, useless, **** at football
Obertan - Has potential, but lacks an end product and isn't willing to run at defences as often as he should
Perch - He hasn't done as badly as I thought when called upon this season, but everytime I watch him play I'm ****ting myself.

 

Good:
Krul - Great keeper and seems like a decent guy.
Jonas - Always works hard.
Ba - Best striker the club has had for years.

Bad:
Shola - Lazy, and often looks uninterested.
Ranger - Deluded twat.
Gosling - Didn't have anything against him until he half-intentionally got himself sent off a few weeks ago when we were short of midfielders. That sort of attitude from a fringe player is unacceptable.

I don't like Smith or Xisco much, but they're entitled to the money they're getting. Perch is obviously not PL-quality, but he still tries hard. Lovenkrands also always tries hard, he's just lost his pace which was a big part of his game, and hasn't managed to adapt. I also dislike S. Taylor, because he likes to portray the 'geordie hero' but threatened to hand in a transfer request a few years ago cause he couldn't get a fat contract.

I dunno why some of you are listing Elliot, he's barely had any opportunities to do anything.

 

Best

Tiote - Complete nutter, you can always rely on him to rough up an opponent

Jonas - Just for the shoddy spiderman mask. You have to give the guy credit for being imaginative.

Shola - Useless lump, yet strangely lovable. Reminds me of Winnie the Pooh (in a way)

Worst

Obertan - Useless, but not lovable. Don't see why pardew picks him

Smith - Waste of money, should have left by now.

Raylor - Is he ever happy? he only has one facial expression

EDIT:

Forgot Ranger. What is the point of this guy?