Life after football can be cruel

PREMIER League hero Dean Windass has shockingly *confessed he tried to take his life TWICE just days ago.

The former Hull City striker *admitted to The People this week he is battling booze and depression after retiring from the game he adored.

Dean, who at 42 is the same age as Wales manager Gary Speed who killed himself in November.

He said: “I have cried every day for the last two years since retiring.

“People outside football think we have it all. But I was in a hole that I honestly didn’t know how to get out of.

“Just over a week ago I hit rock-bottom and decided to end it all.

“I first took an overdose and when that didn’t work tried to hang myself.

“I felt so alone and believed I had nothing to live for.

“I need to sort myself out which is why I’m speaking out now.

“It is part of me getting better – part of the healing process.”

Dean’s revelation will shock family, friends and fans.

He is famous for his Wembley play-off winning goal in May 2008 against Bristol City which sent his hometown club into the Premier League for the first time in their 104-year history.

The volley from the edge of the area in the 1-0 victory was later estimated to be worth £60 million in TV revenue to the East Yorkshire club and turned Windass into a legend.

But today his life is a far cry from those heady days.

Going up: He cheers play-off win

In a moving and frank interview the burly tattooed ex-player said: “People have this image of me as this big strong man who can take anything life throws at him.

“But I’m not ashamed to say I wanted to end it after a string of setbacks.”

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Dean played in the top divisions in England and Scotland in a glittering 19-year career with spells at Middlesbrough, Sheffield United, Bradford City and Aberdeen.

But he missed the buzz and *rewards of life at the highest level after retiring at Hull in 2009.

He turned to booze, often downing 10 to 15 pints of lager and lime.

Dean’s 18-year marriage to police officer wife Helen, 45, by whom he has two sons Josh,18, and Jordan, 12, *collapsed following a fling with a girl he met in the pub.

Before: Dean with wife and sons

With no income, estranged from the family he loved and grieving the sudden death of his father, Dean thought the only way out was to take his own life.

He said: “Just days ago, alone and drunk at my home in Hull, I swallowed a load of tablets – I think they were painkillers. Luckily my girlfriend, with whom I’d recently split, turned up and realising what I had done made me throw up by making me drink pints of water.

“I knew I’d been a fool but I couldn’t shake off the depression at feeling what a failure I’d *become. The next day another dark cloud emerged so I drowned my *sorrows with half a bottle of amaretto liqueur.

“I was just over an hour’s drive away from my wife and family in Leeds but it felt like the other side of the world.

“I thought I don’t want to be in this world any more.

“I tried to use a bedsheet to hang myself and tied it to a handrail at the top of the stairs but it was too long. There weren’t enough stairs.

“I was quite drunk and couldn’t get it to work so I got a belt instead. At that point a friend came round so I couldn’t go through with it. Now I’m trying to get better, get back on track. I don’t want to be miserable every day.”

Dean was shocked by Wales hero Gary’s suicide. He played against the then Newcastle star in 2000 when Dean was at Bradford City.

He said: “Gary’s death had a big *impact on me because he must have been feeling a similar way to me.

“I don’t know what his issues were. It isn’t my business and I don’t want to know but he must have been having a tough time.

“When I heard the news I thought that could be me and I continued down that dark *corridor of depression.” Fighting back tears as he recalled the past two years, Dean said: “I felt like I had no purpose any more, I had nothing to get up for.

Fateful: Gary and Dean in clash

“People outside football think we have it all, but we don’t.

“Look at Stan Collymore and what he’s been through with depression.

“People have this assumption that ‘he’s a footballer, he’s all right’.

“Everyone thinks that Dean Windass is a laugh and a joke and a kid blah blah blah, and got loads of money and his wife and kids are lovely. But that’s all a mask. I was in pieces, I couldn’t stop drinking or *crying. I’ve cried every day for the last two years.” Dean described his typical aimless days after retirement.

He said: “With no job I’d get up go for a run and hit the pub. I could still play the big guy because everyone knew me and wanted to buy me a drink.

“But after necking pint after pint I’d take my frustrations out on the family by being verbally abusive.

“The following day I’d repeat the same pattern and just tell my wife I was popping out to buy a paper.

“Stupidly I became involved with a girl and lost my marriage. I couldn’t get work anywhere and blew nearly all my savings. I couldn’t even *afford to pay for my son’s motor insurance.

“I scored the winning goal at Wembley to get Hull into the Premiership and *foolishly thought I was made for life. I was on a high.

“Although not in the superstar pay bracket I was pulling in well over half a million pounds a year so money was no object. Harvey Nichols was my middle name. I would buy £200 shirts, I’d live in D&G and Prada. Every time a new car came out, whether it was an Audi or BMW, I would buy it. Top-of-the-range cars were my thing.

“I also had a big family house in Leeds worth over a million.

“I was treated like a superstar *wherever I went. Now I am living off what little savings I have but they are running out. I did some work for Sky Sports which I loved but that came to and end. I’ve tried really hard to get a job. I did all of my coaching *qualifications while I was playing.

“I put my CV into loads of clubs for a coaching job but you don’t hear *anything back.

“After Hull I got an assistant manager job at non-league Darlington with Colin Todd which was my dream scenario but we got sacked after six months. I really enjoyed it. It wasn’t a lot of money but it wasn’t about the money. I wanted to be a coach, I wanted to be a manager.

“That ended and I became *increasingly depressed.”

The loss of his father John was also a big factor in his depression.

“We’d fallen out over my drinking but never had the chance to make up before he died of a heart attack last April.

“He died out of the blue. He had a blocked artery, he was 69. We were close my whole life, he was my best friend but we had a fall-out.

“We fell out because he said I only rang him when I was drunk and he didn’t want to speak to me when I’m drunk so it all started there.

“I was stubborn, he was stubborn and we didn’t speak. Then he died. I was devastated, I felt shattered.”

Four months later Dean left Helen for another woman who he had been having an affair with.

He said: “Me retiring put an awful lot of strain on our marriage.

“Helen was working full-time and coming home to look after the kids. I was in the pub every afternoon. I would come home drunk.

“I was aggressive, I would smash glasses, punch walls and Helen had had enough which was understandable.

“There were arguments and *arguments and then I went off with someone else. I met her in Hull in a pub. I moved into her house. I split up with her last week.”

Problems

Now Dean is appealing to football’s governing body the FA to help soccer stars like him adjust after retiring.

He feels he is far from being alone and is convinced there are hundreds of former footballers who have mental health problems when they quit.

Dean blames the fact that footballers have few other work skills because they dedicate their entire lives to the game from a young age.

He said: “We’re not the brightest but you play football all your life.

“I worked on a building site before I was a footballer so that’s all I know.

“There are hundreds of footballers in the same boat. There is nothing to get up for in the morning.

“I do my run in the morning but at midday, what do you do? I think f*** it, I’m going to go for a pint.

“The Professional Footballers’ Association or the governing body need to help us.

“I was quite a confident person and footballer who contributed to the game for 20 years. Maybe I took it for granted I would get something at the end of it.”

Now Dean is to confront his *demons. His first step is to go to rehab to dry out and deal with his depression.

He hopes that after that he can win back the trust of his family.

He said: “I’ve hurt the people closest to me so I’ve come out today and *admitted I need help.

“I have had many battles on the football field but this is by far my *biggest. You’ve got to hit rock-bottom to go back up again.”

 

Depression is an awful thing for sure, the cemetaries are full of folk who had it. Seems money has no take on it either.

When footballer come to the end of their careers they should, if they've been sensible be financially secure. I can understand that they are sometimes at a loss with so much time on their hands as what to do.

But please, spare me a thought for ex soldiers who have become institutionalised due to years in the forces, not financially secure & no help from the MOD.

That's all.

 

very sad story hope he sorts his self out

 

Whilst I have every sympathy for anyone cursed with depression these bloody Footballers have to realise they are in a far better position than most who lose their jobs.
If a ex footballer is bored he can go buy a pub, go on holiday, in fact. Never have any money worries again.
I feel far more for the thousands of normal people getting laid off with only the dole and trips to the job centre to look forward to.

 

I don't think depression is brought on by boredom. There must have been some 'trigger' .. But when it happens, people may not think rationally.
It's an awful illness, and quite often is not spotted.
Let's hope he gets some help

 

I feel sorry for ex-servicemen a lot more than for footballers.

 

I feel sorry for people and dont and wont put them in brackets, a depressed human being is a depressed human being to me, sorry if thats upsetting to people.

 

I watched the BBC documentary with Flintoff the other night and whilst I am sympathetic to anyone in this situation, I feel quite strongly that the football environment they are allowed to live in contributes to problems later in life. From 15 years old the best players in most sports have everything done from them, meals made, kits washed, houses cleaned etc. Then they finish playing and the reality most of us live every day sinks in and they cannot handle it having been pampered for so long.

I think all sport needs to look how players are treated from a young age, get rid of this nonsense of kids not being allowed to clean the showers and other players boots and give them a grounding for real life! I really hope Windass gets better but there are groups of people I will worry about much more than footballers.

 

Too true. If you're depressed you're depressed.

Whilst I have no sympathy for some of the bad decisions he's made, I do have a lot of sympathy for the depression he is now suffering. It's shocking for any human to feel like that.

 

my best mate went the same way as gary speed last year, even his mrs didn't have a clue he was depressed, depression is an illness and there should be more help out there, certainly more awareness

 

sorry to hear that, whats sad is that pople seem to have less sympaphy for those left behind, well there must be a reason, she must have know, bet she was playing away, bet they lived above their means, cowards way out.

A widow is a widow and the pain is pain, is is an illness, simple.

 

This

 

A rich guy who cheated on his wife and kids, got caught, then dumped by his girlfriend!
(Was he depressed before he got caught?)
Caused all his own problems.
Sells his story to the papers.
Does he get my sympathy?
Not in the least.
I will save my sympathy for more deserving cases, like has been said ex- servicemen coming to terms with horrendous injuries.

Before anyone has a go at me, let me tell you when I first injured my back, I went through terrible depression taking handfulls of meds and felt no better.
It was my children and grandchildren pulled me round.

 

Like I said. Depression is a curse. That said it grips my **** when Footballers think they are some kind of special case.
I feel for the ones who have to say no to the kids. The ones who dread the post, the phone ringing, that knock on the door...

 

I can fully appreciate what you’re saying Syd.

I'm currently witnessing first hand & not for the first time in my life the effects that suicide has on those left behind. I'll get crucified for saying this but it’s a such selfish act for which the perpetrator should get a bloody good old fashioned smacking over before hand to realise just how much their going to hurt those left behind picking up the pieces.

This past Christmas & those ahead will never be the same again with memories of the one just past

 

sorry to hear that black cat and the last thing i intend to do is get into an argument about who we should feel sorry for the most, we all have an opinion.mine, I repeat, is simple, an ill person is an ill person, how they got there, what money they have and how big their house is, to me, is of no relivance, they are ill.

Yes Garry Speeds wife will have more support, a nicer home to live in, financial security and all that but, her husband is dead, her kids have no father, everyone knows why he did it, even though they dont. Just my opinion and I'm pleased I now have the compassion to have it, not always been the case.

 

So the sudden death of his father was his fault as well?

Everyone else makes quite balanced and fair responses, but if there was anyone who was going to sound like an idiot, it was of course going to be you.

And I don't understand these comparisons either. What do ex-servicemen have to do with an ex-footballer? Why do they have to be compared so you can create some make-shift scoring system where one person gets more sympathy than the other? It's not a ****ing game.

And what's wrong with selling his story to the papers? He's depressed, almost bankrupt and can't even afford his son's car insurance as he said, so why wouldn't he take the money offered for the story if he could? Should he refuse it and continue to be near bankruptcy just to maintain some sort of moral high-ground in front of people? He would have been an idiot not to sell his story. Life's tough sometimes, real tough, and I do not blame the guy one bit for doing it.

 

Try putting breeze blocks in your mates coffin coz there aint enough of him to scrape up lad.
Try taking human life, live with it everyday, try losing your soul mate & see how you cope.

Everyday that go's by I wish I was dead. The only thing that keeps me going is my kids.

 

this thread was never intended to be a for and against, this is worse than that, just thought people may be intrested about a footballer on a football forum.

Time to close it I think.