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Joke of the Week

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Red Hadron Collider, Jan 13, 2012.

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  1. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    I went to an office party last weekend and f..ked an ugly, fat Chinese woman in the lift......








    ........I know, I know...........











    .........I was f..king Wong on so many levels.
     
    #1
    Red Hadron Collider, Jan 13, 2012
  2. Enricky.

    Enricky. Well-Known Member
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    :D Nice one RHC
     
    #2
    Enricky., Jan 13, 2012
  3. StJohn_Red_Legend

    StJohn_Red_Legend Active Member

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    "I was in Mercy, Australia, recently and was served tea made from the hair of a koala bear."



    "You're kidding! How was it?"



    "Oh, it was awful. It was filled with koala hair!"








































    "Well, you know, the koala tea of Mercy is not strained."
     
    #3
    StJohn_Red_Legend, Jan 13, 2012
  4. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    Goog God St. That's so awful, it's frightening <yikes>
     
    #4
    Red Hadron Collider, Jan 13, 2012
  5. Jonesey

    Jonesey Well-Known Member

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    So, where's the punch line?

    Sure you didn't miss something out?
     
    #5
    Jonesey, Jan 13, 2012
  6. Zingy

    Zingy #ziggywould

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    Michael Owen's wife and kids have left him because of his obsession with horse racing. The last words he spoke before they left were...

    "They're all at the gate now...annnnnd they're off!!!"
     
    #6
    Zingy, Jan 13, 2012
  7. StJohn_Red_Legend

    StJohn_Red_Legend Active Member

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    The Quality of Mercy is not strained - its a Shakespear quote.

    In full-
    The quality of mercy is not strained.
    It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
    Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
    It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
    Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
    The throned monarch better than his crown.
    His scepter shows the force of temporal power,
    The attribute to awe and majesty,
    Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings.
    But mercy is above this sceptered sway;
    It is enthroned in the hearts of kings;
    It is an attribute of God himself;
    And earthly power doth then show like God's
    When mercy seasons justice.
     
    #7
    StJohn_Red_Legend, Jan 13, 2012
  8. timmy5x

    timmy5x Member

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    This was written in 1596 but Austrailia wasn't discovered untill 1606, so i doubt that Shakespeare would have known about Koalas!
     
    #8
    timmy5x, Jan 13, 2012
  9. StJohn_Red_Legend

    StJohn_Red_Legend Active Member

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    Yeaah yeah...<laugh> <ok>
     
    #9
    StJohn_Red_Legend, Jan 13, 2012
  10. Redditch Red Sox

    Redditch Red Sox Member

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    talk about shakespearean tumbleweed :emoticon-0102-bigsm
     
    #10
    Redditch Red Sox, Jan 13, 2012

  11. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    What's happened to the jokes? At the risk of repeating myself:

    I've left my job at the helium factory.



    I'm not having them talk to me like that........................
     
    #11
    Red Hadron Collider, Jan 13, 2012
  12. SKY+

    SKY+ Guest

    **** Joke alert.
     
    #12
    SKY+, Jan 13, 2012
  13. saintanton

    saintanton Old

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    Yeah, but old Shakey was prescient. He wrote about Hamlet and they weren't launched until the 1960's
     
    #13
    saintanton, Jan 13, 2012
  14. Zingy

    Zingy #ziggywould

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    The first time was a warning. <yikes>
     
    #14
    Zingy, Jan 13, 2012
  15. SKY+

    SKY+ Guest

    Terrible blow for Aston villa regarding the African cup of nations, Emile Heskey isn't African.
     
    #15
    SKY+, Jan 13, 2012
  16. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    Knob off, you spunkhead <ok>
     
    #16
    Red Hadron Collider, Jan 13, 2012
  17. saintanton

    saintanton Old

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    Subtle riposte there.
     
    #17
    saintanton, Jan 13, 2012
  18. SKY+

    SKY+ Guest

    Womens darts: the only time they will see 180 is when they are programming the oven
     
    #18
    SKY+, Jan 13, 2012
  19. saintanton

    saintanton Old

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    Hope your missus doesn't read this, SKY.
     
    #19
    saintanton, Jan 13, 2012
  20. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    I thought it was succint and to the point, Saint
     
    #20
    Red Hadron Collider, Jan 13, 2012
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