The Perfect Turkey

Don't stuff it to allow the hot air to circulate the inside as well as the outside.
A layer of butter underneath the skin.
Cover with streaky bacon.
Put your carrots, parsnips and an onion in the tray around the base of the turkey along with chicken stock.
Wrap turkey and tray in turkey foil.
Cook for 20 minutes per kilo.
Keep it well basted using the juices in the tray.
An hour before the end remove the foil to ensure it gets a nice golden brown colour.
Use the juices as the base for your gravy.

Voila, you will have the perfect turkey for Christmas dinner.

 

All turkey tastes like blotting paper.

 

Here's my perfect turkey recipe:

Get her to ****in cook it.

 

Even if she is a **** cook who burns cornflakes?

 

Well, in that case, get shot of her and get a burd that can cook.

 

Get the turkey to cook your wife

 

Turkey is ****in tasteless.

Get yourself a gammon joint.

Bootiful.

 

And cook it in coke

 

and not forgetting that she must give you a gobble !
<Iknowit'sChristmasbutthesejokesreallymustbecomingfromacracker>

 

If you have a halogen oven cook the turkey in that. It will be a lot quicker and tastier.

 

Naturally.

<wenowhaveasecretlanguagewecanusetotalkaboutjipbehindhisback>

 

We did that a few years back and it was amazing.

Got the idea from Nigella.

 

<Jip'sacunt>

 

snap

 

<getitrightfuckinupye>

 

I've got one of those. I cooked a chicken in it once and I didn't eat it because I was suspicious of a light being able to cook a chicken in jig time.

 

If you find it tasteless, you ain't cooking it right

 

I'm having a bird in a bird in a bird.

It's the word.