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The Plot to Kill Michael Platini

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by Warmir Pouchov, Dec 9, 2011.

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  1. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    As you all know I don't create many threads. However I've been driven to create a thread having been stumped on ideas how I can kill Michael Platini (you'll note I refer to him as "Michael" in the hope he reads not606 and it pisses him off - unlikely he does but just in case) I thought who was better placed to help than the always creative Newcastle Not606 posters.

    I fecking hate this man with a passion and shudder each time I hear the words "its time for Blatter to move over and give Platini a go". Why? So he can **** it up just as badly and grind England into the dirt in the meantime? His latest outburst on Ferguson's Europa League comments has set me off on a personal crusade to wipe him off the planet. If he is annoyed with Man U for belittling his ****ty competition which UEFA ruined, then be annoyed with Ferguson and Man U. Not England. All this "I like England but........" is just patronising.

    We know you hate us Michael, and don't worry the feeling is mutual. Comments like "the world does not revolve around England" had no place in a response about Man U thinking they've underachieved by ending up in the Europa. And lets face it the Europa league is a **** competition to a club like Man U. They'll need to win now for the money, that is all.

    Rant over. I love Fridays.
     
    #1
    Warmir Pouchov, Dec 9, 2011
  2. overseasTOON

    overseasTOON Active Member

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    Griff him to death
     
    #2
    overseasTOON, Dec 9, 2011
  3. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    I second that.
     
    #3
    Agent Bruce, Dec 9, 2011
  4. Jesus Was A Geordie

    Jesus Was A Geordie Well-Known Member

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    He won't be the first

    please log in to view this image
     
    #4
    Jesus Was A Geordie, Dec 9, 2011
  5. goldie

    goldie Well-Known Member

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    The brazen bull.
     
    #5
    goldie, Dec 9, 2011
  6. simonbh7

    simonbh7 Active Member

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    I totally agree, the guy is a skidmark.

    I would like to see him trapped in a lift with a sexed-up Janet Street Porter on heat. Those teeth would really do him some damage!!
     
    #6
    simonbh7, Dec 9, 2011

  7. overseasTOON

    overseasTOON Active Member

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    She'd have to put her make up on first:

    please log in to view this image
     
    #7
    overseasTOON, Dec 9, 2011
  8. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    We have an early leader in the race to creatively kill Michael...............
     
    #8
    Warmir Pouchov, Dec 9, 2011
  9. You'veBeenTiote'd

    You'veBeenTiote'd Active Member

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    Jump on him to kill him, then jump on his shell to get it to hit the rest of the FIFA blockheads <ok>
     
    #9
    You'veBeenTiote'd, Dec 9, 2011
  10. 5 Goals 1 Hat Trick 11 Heroes-NUFC4LIFE

    5 Goals 1 Hat Trick 11 Heroes-NUFC4LIFE Well-Known Member

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    I am definitely up for killing him but you have to promise me we will play this in the background as the not606 army slowly start to appear from a dark alley holding guns , knives and bats.

    [video=youtube;28eesbShgrw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28eesbShgrw[/video]
     
    #10
    5 Goals 1 Hat Trick 11 Heroes-NUFC4LIFE, Dec 9, 2011
  11. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    You have yourself a deal
     
    #11
    Warmir Pouchov, Dec 9, 2011
  12. Cal.

    Cal. Active Member

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    Might as well kills two birds with one stone, so to speak, and get Blatter too.
     
    #12
    Cal., Dec 9, 2011
  13. I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner

    I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner Well-Known Member

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    Lets not beat around the bush, the bloke is a ****.

    I say we tickle him to death, Rakishi his face and chokeslam the moron!
     
    #13
    I Sit Next To A Badger-Leazes Corner, Dec 9, 2011
  14. You'veBeenTiote'd

    You'veBeenTiote'd Active Member

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    He's probably not even ticklish the tedious twat.
     
    #14
    You'veBeenTiote'd, Dec 9, 2011
  15. Masanari

    Masanari Active Member

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    This seems like a suitable way.

    Before hand could also use a knee splitter on him.

    please log in to view this image
     
    #15
    Masanari, Dec 9, 2011
  16. Cisse and Assist

    Cisse and Assist Member

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    Roll him in chocolate and feed him to the lesbians!!!
     
    #16
    Cisse and Assist, Dec 9, 2011
  17. Gutierrez's Right Boot

    Gutierrez's Right Boot Well-Known Member

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    Make him sit through the video for TOWIES xmas single
     
    #17
    Gutierrez's Right Boot, Dec 9, 2011
  18. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    The choice is overwhelming here. I think it is only fair we combine quite a few. Of course I also find it interesting that no one has suggested how we get to the stage of carrying out these acts. Just sums up what a bunch of sadistic bastards you all are.

    How about the following, I'm calling it "The Platoche Magic 7":

    1. We travel by hydrofoil across the channel - why hydrofoil you ask? Well it seems James Bondy to me, I don't care if its 80's.
    2. On arrival we intergrate into French society - we tap into the local knowledge the not606 posters have, maybe write a few letters to Yohann prior to leaving asking for advice (now don't all go spraying perfume on your letters, we want a response)
    3. We locate Platini's residence and begin tracking his and his families movements - yes we're taking the ****ers family as our insurance policy, this is a professional operation as point 4 will prove
    4. Once we are happy we have his days mapped out, we all don a mask. Each mask will of a different French player who has represented us over the years. I baggsy Ginola for obvious. Someone will want Cabaye and they can stand next to me to create extreme beauty.
    5. We take him hostage and once we have him back on the hydrofoil, we release Platinis family
    6. Why take him hostage you say, why not just kill him there and then- the reason for taking him with us is although he is an absolute twat, he was a great footballer and I think we should then look at ways to clone his DNA so our great club can prosper for years to come
    7. We then dispose of him whichever way we agree on.

    Now I'm nominating Tash for the job of taking the family hostage. I think this person needs to appear aggressive and unpredictable. They won't try anything once Tash starts screaming at them.
     
    #18
    Warmir Pouchov, Dec 9, 2011
  19. TheLittleGeordie

    TheLittleGeordie Active Member

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    [video=youtube;whadmRePr_8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whadmRePr_8[/video]
     
    #19
    TheLittleGeordie, Dec 9, 2011
  20. Nobbys Trumpet

    Nobbys Trumpet Active Member

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    I would be happy to just tie him to an electric chair and every time I go for the lever look at his face, then not do it...and just torment him for ages with going to the lever and then pulling it...then pull his tongue out and repeatedly hitting it around his face until he is not recognisable (or until I get bored, as it could take days) and then cut 1 ball off and stuff it down his throat...

    Oh yeah; and to kill him eventually we just shoot him in the knee cap as then he will lose a **** load of blood and it apparently hurts like ****!
    Resulting in him dying by losing too much blood!
     
    #20
    Nobbys Trumpet, Dec 9, 2011
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