You’re in the holding cells, next to the abattoir. The stench of failure permeates your nose, clothes, and dreams. The Premier League doesn’t let you upstairs. Yesterday, It had brought down two obese skinheads wearing Leeds and Burnley shirts. They had avoided eye contact with you. Leeds had muttered something to Burnley, who laughed and then grimaced. “No, you two won’t be in here next year! The Premier League had snapped at them. "You'll both try harder!" They went quiet as they moved on. Only two other people visit you. The first - an attractive, buxom brunette wearing a sky blue dress – personifies the change you’ve come to resent. Back in 2001, she had congratulated you on finishing 5th. ‘Hope for the rest of us.’ She had said to you, with a nervous smile. When she sees you now, she just stares at you with an unreadable expression before walking away. Those 115 charges finally getting her nervous? You think hopefully. The second was a tired-looking man who looked like Jason Isaacs. “Hiya Ipswich!” He said in his high, hopeful Scouse accent. “You know I’m moving house in the summer. Be nice to help see off the old place with a win. You’ve got nothing riding on this weekend, you fancy … y’know, going a bit easy on me?” He chuckles nervously. You say nothing. You think back to the end of 2001 again. A younger Premier League – still greedy, but a lot friendlier – had taken you to one side. “You’re everything this league is about.” It had enthused, slightly teary-eyed as it slapped you on the back. “Your ambition, your type of story … is what makes Us the greatest league in the world.” 2-0 defeat.
There are a very few sports, and I have played competitevely at football, tennis, table tennis, where a player or supporter devises a league table where he the designer wins and comes 1st every time! Well played that man!
2-1 Town win, odds say we must win again. We put in a relaxed, resigned performance and ressemble our true more fluent selves.
Each position is worth around £2m, Leicester have two games to catch you, I’d assume it would be important to prevent that Everton could jump two places and there is an incentive to finish above Man U. Will your coach start shaping next seasons team dropping the loans or anyone he figures will be on the way out. Have you any players looking for a shop window opportunity. If you were at home I’d go a draw or win, as you are away 2-0 Everton
My previous comments refer of course to our esteemed statistical expert Nuggets, to whom we are grateful for his literary wisdom and prediction table, which somehow he manages to top!
