Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

I'm 6'3... I'd be punching the ceiling every time I put a jumper on... House prices and service charges have gone insane..

 

I've thought it a few times.

 

All about greed. How tall can we safely go, how many flats can we squeeze in to make it pay. If every ceiling is a foot lower that's a lot of extra floors you can build!

 

Ye, I guess. I'm not that up with property anymore. I'd be ****ed starting out anew on my salary and with a family where I live. No idea how the many Brits who move to London spend 850k on a 50m2 flat (in that building), plus the service charge (I know most live in flat shares, but these flats are selling). There must be a lot of ppl earning £200k annum at a relatively young age when they don't need a lot of living space.

Not to start a politics thread, but I wonder if Corbyn could have halted it if he'd won a decade ago, or property capitalism is too powerful to hold back anymore.

 

No idea how London works with those prices, here in Hull you can get a start on the property ladder for £100,000

 

You'd think that this would push businesses to invest in places such as Hull where land, property and salaries are cheaper, but to be honest, I'm not business minded enough to know... Just realise that I've completely fallen off the economic ladder these last years.

 

My guess is that a lot of places like that are owned by institutions and the apartments are rented out or airbnb'd, etc. The studio, or bedsit as they used to be called, is £1k per sq ft!

 

And then you hear that many on benefits live in places like tower hamlets and Kensington? so presumably the tax payer is picking up some of the tab.

 

I added some land to a property I owned a good few years back through Adverse Possesion. I questioned the wisdom of spending some 360 quid and pennies on the legal fees (yes, it was a long time ago). His reply was, the only thing in this world that nobody can make anymore of to sell, is land. But the land cost alone does not explain the huge increase in prices since then. The 100,000 houses that Balkan mentions were on the market for about a tenth of that then.

 

Whose the burglar, i'm lost.

 

Gino DiCampo burgled Paul Youngs house in 1997. Got 2 years in the nick.

 

Ahhh ok thanks.

 

I didn’t know this. I’m amazed he was actually caught, don’t think the police even bother to attend a burglary crime scene these days

 

One day an old man, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
“It’s certainly not a ship”, he thinks to himself.
As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a gorgeous woman wearing a wetsuit and scuba gear.
She approaches the old man and says,
“Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
“Ten years,” replies Johnny.
With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says,
“Man, oh man! Is that good!!”
” And how long has it been since you’ve had a sip of bourbon?” she asks him.
Trembling old man replies, “Ten years.”
She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him.
He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says,
“WOW, that’s absolutely fantastic!”
At this point, she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the old man seductively, and asks,
” And how long has it been since you’ve played around?”
With tears in his eyes, the old man falls to his knees and sobs,
“Oh, good Lord! Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there too?”

 

haha! I’m stealing this one!!

 

True story but I have said that to a former female colleague...mind you I was married to her so the context was a but different.

 

Phil goes to Europe and leaves his favorite dog with his brother James

While in Europe, Phil calls James to check on his dog and asks, “So James, how's my favorite dog doing?”

James very tersely replies, “Your dog is dead.”

“What?” says Phil

“You can't just tell someone their favorite dog is dead without a warning; you have to ease them into it.”

“How?” asks James.

“Well, the first day I call, tell me my dog is on the roof

Then tell me the dog is going to be fine and not to worry

The next day, when I call to ask about my dog, tell me that you were about to get it down, when it jumped off of the roof and broke its leg

Tell me the doctors say it will be ok, but that it will have to stay at the vet's for a while

Are you getting all of this???”

“Yes,” says James.

“Good.” says Phil

“Then the next day when I call back, tell me that there was severe internal bleeding that the vet didn't pick up and that my favorite dog died at 2:00 this morning

That way it won't be such a shock to me

Got it?”

“Yes.”

“Good, so, how's Grandma doing?” asks Phil.

“Well…” James replies, “she's on the roof.”

 

And were you still married to her after you'd said that

 

That's how I proposed. Don't ever let people tell you that romance is dead

 

Reminds me of the very, very old one, abridged version here,

Sergeant Major, not known for empathy, on the parade ground, facing his troops.
'All those with fathers take one step forward,'

' Private Smith, where the **** are you going.'