Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

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I went into a antique shop to have a look round, found a vase and went to pay for it.
I said to the young female assistant "How much do you take off for cash ?"

She said "Everything except my ear rings."

 

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I remember doing it in the army, although I was pretty bad at it!

 

Bad at it, I struggle to get much more than a foot off the ground. There is 100% a technique to it and I couldn't do it in school or the one time I tried in the Army. Only ever needed to try once and never saw one again thankfully!

The other thing I couldn't do is ****ing kayaking. We went to Wales for AT during my basic training, as soon as I got on that river I realised I was terrible at it. Every 3 to 4 strokes I would spin round in a circle without fail. No ****er told me what I was doing wrong, all I kept getting is 'why are you keep going around in circles?'. If it was once I was in the real Army I would have said "I don't ****ing know I'm not the instructor and I'm not doing it on purpose am I for **** sake!"

But it being basic I had to bite my tongue and get on with it until they eventually but me in a two man canoe with one of the instructors.

 

That’s what I liked about the army. You’d always be told that you were doing something wrong but never told how to do it right! Beats me how I lasted 11 years in there! In all honesty though I enjoyed my time but there were some proper arseholes who got promoted way above their competence.

 

Because most were absolute bloggers mate and had no idea what they were doing!

I was a monkey and some of the ****ing numpties I worked with! But I found basic training to be the biggest hive of absolute thunder ****s I've ever had the misfortune to meet in my entire life.

 

Very true. Don’t know when you joined but I started in 1984. Don’t think there was much professionalism in the training staff back then.

 

2005 for me, so probably a lot better than when you went through but still had their favourites (usually the female recruits) and were outright bullies to some people

 

That’s not a selfie

 

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.
"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Phil." The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

 

On our wedding night my new bride said she'd give me a blowjob every day if I could prove I'd never been with anyone else.
So I said, "What's a blowjob?"