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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I would like to say to everyone I'm sorry I posted all those "How many people it takes to change a lightbulb” jokes.

    I was in a very dark place at the time.
     
    #16141
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 26, 2024
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  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Well if you had told us in advance, we could have had a whip round to keep you there
     
    #16142
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 27, 2024
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    <laugh><laugh><laugh>
     
    #16143
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 28, 2024
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    One Monday morning a postman is walking the village on his usual round.
    As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars are in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and spirit bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a Christmas party last night"...
    The postman comments.
    Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first i have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the village over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I"...
    The postman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that"...?
    Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet...
    Then the women try to guess who it is"...
    The postman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that"...
    Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times.
     
    #16144
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 28, 2024
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I asked my Doctor 'would it be okay to have sex at 85 ?

    He said 'Yes, if you feel good go for it'

    I said Oh thanks Doc cos I live at 73 so it's not far to walk home afterwards
     
    #16145
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 28, 2024
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I got a Womble pepper grinder for Christmas.

    It's rubbish.

    Everything is either underground or overground.
     
    #16146
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 28, 2024
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #16147
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 28, 2024
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Failed my biology test today.

    Apparently the answer to what was predominantly kept in cells wasn't Scousers.
     
    #16148
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 29, 2024
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  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    please miss sniff little Johnny knows its Brains
     
    #16149
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 30, 2024
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I've just bought the wife an indoors ice pick, because when I asked her what she wanted for her birthday she said,

    "A climb axe would make a nice change."
     
    #16150
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2024
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    A photon checks into a hotel.

    The front desk asks if it has any luggage.

    It replies “no, I’m traveling light”
     
    #16151
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2024
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Two people are in hospital after eating Lasagne containing 100% Horse Meat.

    They are said to be in a stable condition.
     
    #16152
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2024
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I once had a friend who broke off dating a girl because she was missing part of her foot.

    Apparently he was lack toes intolerant.
     
    #16153
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2024
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #16154
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2024
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I was going to be a gynecologist, but I failed the entrance exam.
     
    #16155
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2024
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  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    your not supposed to leave your fingers in mate
     
    #16156
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 31, 2024
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #16157
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2024
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #16158
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 1, 2025
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Last night, someone broke in to our house and took a dozen eggs.

    They also left a saucepan filled with warm water.

    Police believe it was poachers.
     
    #16159
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 1, 2025
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #16160
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 1, 2025
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Page 808 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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