We'll miss my dad this Christmas. I know that he'll be up there, looking down at us all . . . . moaning about the broken stairlift !
A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home. 1st kid says "A computer". Teacher replies "That'd be very useful." 2nd kid says "A new lawn mower" and gets a similar response. Little Johnny pops up and says: " At my house we don't need anything." The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something. Little Johnny replies, "Nope I'm sure! When my sister started dating a Scouser, I remember dad saying,"Well, that's the last f...ing thing we need!!!"
I was shopping in town today and stopped a woman in the street. "Excuse me love . . . . have you any idea where I can get a decent jumper ?" "Have you tried Fat Face?"she said. "Good idea" I said. "Do you know anywhere?" I said, turning to my wife please log in to view this image please log in to view this image
I was at my mate's wedding and got talking to a woman. I said to her "What do you do for a living ?" She said "I'm a head teacher." I replied "Could you teach my girlfriend . . . . she's not vey good at it"
Chief Sitting Bull and his 5 squaws and 7 braves go to a restaurant. The girl on the desks shouts out "You can't go in there unless you have a reservation."
I went out for dinner last night. The waiter came over to our table and said "For starters we have Badger Soup, followed by Badger Roast, and Badger Mousse for dessert." I said "Is there anything else to eat apart from Badger ?" The waiter said "No . . . . it's a sett menu."
Apparently, masturbating in a bath can save you up to £300 a year on toilet roll and socks. Last year it cost me £19,800 and my job in the plumbing centre.
