A wife says to her husband " you are always pushing me around and talking behind my back" He says " what the feck do you expect. You're in a fecking wheelchair"
I was working late at the Carphone Warehouse last night when I received this text from my daughter: 'Dad,thespacebuttonisfaultyonthisphone. Whenyougethomepleasegivemeanalternative.' And as I eagerly rushed home, I couldn't help but wonder... ...What the hell does 'ternative' mean?
Did you hear about the Irish exorcism? Where the Mother phoned the Devil to get the priest of of her son.
What's the difference between Acne and a Roman Catholic priest? Acne doesn't come on your face until your a least 13.
This is not a joke but a tongue twist. Vilhjálmur valmenni virtur af öllum vammlausum mönnum vardi sitt veldi mót Vésteini villta sem vildi med valdi ná veldi Vilhjálms. Hád var vidureign valdhafa veldisins væna og Vésteins villta vid Vördufell vestur af vÃÂk. Varúlfar veinudu og vedurofsi med válegum vindum og vatnaflaumi vatt sér úr vestri ad vásins vÃÂk. The translation is. Wilhelm the champ, respected by all reputable men, defended his empire against Vésteinn the Barbarian who sought to take Wilhelmââ¬â¢s power by force. The battle between the leader of the good empire and Vésteinn the Barbarian was waged at Vördufell mountain west of the bay. Werewolves howled and the tempest raged with treacherous winds and torrential rains pouring down from the west at the bay of peril.
Carlos Ancelotti is leaving the Chelsea training ground when two girls approach him. The 1st girl lifts her top and says "Carlos,will u sign these?" Ancelotti shrugs and signs her tits. The 2nd girl pulls down her knickers and says "Carlos,will u sign this?" Ancelotti shakes his head and says "**** off, the last time I signed a **** it cost me ã50million!!
