Ive had many but ill start with this... About 10 years ago i rang Virgin up complaining that every time i recorded a tv program, when i watched it and the adverts came on id fast forward them, and when they were over id try press play and it wouldn't work and it skipped into the program for about 5 mins, and then id have to rewind it back. I complained my box was broken, and had a huge argument on the phone because they weren't going to send anyone out... When the Engineer turned up 2 days later i explained to him what was going on to him, and also winged about the operator that i spoke to. He said pass me your remote mate. He then took 2 batterys out his pocket, put them in and said there u go mate, you needed new batteries
I still cringe mate... A year ago i bought a new car. I wound both windows down in the front because it was a hot day. When i got home neither would go up. I rang the garage up complaining and he said bring it down. I drove half an hour back to where i bought it from and explained. 5 seconds later he opened the door and pressed the buttons and both windows went up. He said, you had the window lock button on mate I couldn't get away quick enough.
I think you will let me off with this one I bought a mini 1975 with enertsiareel seat belts New for cars in the day I phoned the garage and said they didn’t work He invited me back and told me to drive up to the fence and put my foot on the brake they worked
1st day at uni. Walked into the main lecture theatre with over 300 new students. I tripped on the stairs and fell flat on my face. 1 month later chatting up a girl in the uni bar and she said ‘are you the lad who fell over’ on both occasions I wanted a hole to open and swallow me up.
About 15 years ago i had my Volvo S40 diesel sport in for repairs following a crash (not my fault). I was given a tiny little underpowered petrol Chevrolet as a courtesy car. Absolutely hated it...over taking was dangerous, if not impossible in most scenarios. Anyway, a month or so passed and I went to pick my car up. Drove it off the forecourt, got to the end of the road, turned around and went straight back. The steering is ****ed, mate...I said...we haven't touched the steering, mate...they said! There was nothing wrong with the steering, I'd just got used to a lighter car
I have a new Facebook account now mate if you want to add me again. My last one got hacked. I lost about 100 pics of my lads which devastated me. They were priceless
Many years ago I had a cracking dog called Max. I was walking him back from the woods along a lane when a boxer dog jumped from the bank and attacked him. Max got the better of him after the initial shock, but I ran up and booted the boxer right in the bollocks. It ran down the lane screaming to a bloke walking up. I went to the bloke and said "you need to keep that fùcking dog on a lead you prick". And the bloke said "it's not my dog mate".
Again you are asking something here mind. in order of increasing magnitude 1) as a child I stuck my finger in a light socket (my dads an electrician) 2) I tried to use one of those manual screwdrivers which had a spring and release to turn my telly off as a teen (it went right through the telly 3) I took one of those cordon metal spikes they used to use for works home to stab in the ground (I stabbed my self right through the foot) 4) instead of logging off a server I clicked reboot (it was a judicial file server, I was only saved by the fact I’d incorrectly shut my ox down instead. There’s many more unfortunately
Oh if we are talking drunken acts my wife and mother in law convinced me and my father in law that the pizzas we ordered weren’t of the right size, off we went to the pizza shop with tape in hand to measure the pizza, I got as far as measuring the pizza tin and lo and behold it was the right size. We walked out still grumbling but brushed over the actual measurement !
I did similar as a kid, about 13. I had to put a plug on something (think it was a scalextric, or a train set), and wasn't sure which way round the live and neutral wires went, so I thought I'd not put the plug back together until I'd tried it and it worked, screwed in the wires and pushed the plug into the wall, with my palm across the terminals
My mate next door ate baby bells with the wax on he thought it was ok The father in law twisted the pepper mill on the table It was a fixed model.
I’ve been thinking of this thread and what I should put, but most of the embarrassing moments I’ve had kind of link in with some fairly reprehensible behaviour. I’ll get back to you all. Stand by.
As i walked in to a pub in South Shields i noticed a family who had amongst them a severely disabled adult daughter. I dont wish to sound disrespectful when describing her as head permenantly tilted to one side, dribbling and randomly loud groaning noises and screams. What this poor girl and her family must go through doesnt bear thinking about. Anyway, once i had my meal i had a sudden desperate need for a ****. Going into the gents i was met with a combination of no locks on the bog doors, no bog seats or bog rolls and dubious hygene. Went back to my wife to tell her and pondering my options i decided to use the only big and spacious disabled toilet in the place. Sparkling it was. Well i was having one of those ****s which was not quite diarrhoea, like a thick pea souper! After 3 minutes, and noticing the horrendous smell i was creating i was startled by somebody trying the door followed closely by the loud groaning and yelping. Well i thought i best hurry, especially after hearing the tutting and complaining from the other side of the door, but i could not get off the bog. My guts were going mental, the **** just kept on coming and the smell was getting worse. After 10 minutes i thought it safe to stand and admire the thick mushy mess id left. There was literally no water in sight. Toilet bowl was full of ****. Whiping my arse the toilet paper just ended up perched on top of this chocolate mousse like a cherry on a cake. I then tried flushing the chain........nothing, again......nothing. Like it wasnt even trying to work. Panic set in but what could i do? So I washed my hands, opened the door, an obviously abled bodied man sheepishly brushes past this tormented family, probably wafting the smell past their nostrils as i went by. I walked fast enough so i wasnt going to be around at their first glance down the bog. I told my wife to finish her drink and we left. What they must have thought of me?! I dont think ive ever felt as much of a **** as i did right then. It was like a scene from a comedy film.
