A servant asked the lady of the house for a pay rise. ”Give me three reasons why I should give you a rise” said the lady. ”I can iron better than you” said the servant girl. ”Who told you that” asked the lady. ”Your husband” she replied. “Secondly, I can cook better than you” ”Who told you that” asked the lady. ”Your husband” she replied. ”Thirdly, I can make love better than you” said the servant. ”I suppose that my husband told you that” said the lady, angrily. ”No, it was the gardener” said the servant. ”How much do you want ?” asked the lady.
I saw a copy of that in a bookshop years ago when I was holidaying in St Petersburg, obviously that was when the place was back in the USSR
John wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "I see that you've regained consciousness. You probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay, you'll be able to walk again and sustain a reasonably normal life, but your penis was severed in the accident and they couldn't find it." John groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have £9,000 in insurance compensation coming for the severed member and we now have the technology to build you a new penis. They work great, but they don't come cheap . . . . they're roughly £1,000 an inch." The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want, but I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something that you should probably discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you to make a decision." John agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, "Have you spoken with your wife about your penis ?" "Yes I have," says John. "Has she helped you to make a decision ?" asks the doctor. “Yes" says John. "What is your decision ?" asks the doctor. "We're getting a new bathroom."
