Simply, What would you never hear come out of the mouths of the racing fraternity? I will start - NH - Well simply put, my vet is amazing with a capital A. Now let him get on with his injections. Paul Nicholls - Well done Kauto Star, that prizemoney will get my lass even bigger boobs. AP - I really don't care about the jockey championship, these new rules are ridiculous and I am off to ride in Ireland. Thommo - and "horse" gets up on the line to win by a short head. No need for the judge. Emma Spencer - The jockey is looking between his legs and he likes what he sees, well he did, now the cat is doing that!!
The BHA have a the best understanding of what the sport really needs. We must blindly follow. The Hills boys epitomise all that's great about UK race riding. Ascot is a pale imitation of Southwell. All UK racing should be on synthetic surfaces. You know it's true! Royal Ascot millinery fashion has gone from bloody awful to "What the **** is that?"
Sam Waley-Cohen; I dont want to give up my denistry- its just give me a chance to exploit people for money for pulling thier teeth out BHA - "The stick can be used as often as it wants to be without any fines" Emma Spencer- I will slap Hayley Turner with her stick and see how she likes it after stealing my husband
Willie Carson - "I'm thrilled to be crowned King of the Jungle Crown and am delighted to announce my engagement to Anthony Cotton." John Francome - "That jockey rode a terrible race. What did he think he was doing!" Coolmore - "Racing needs more competition and to encourage this we are announcing a five year plan to scale down our operation." Famouswise - "McCoy gets a horse into a great jumping rhythm and knocks that clown Walsh into a cocked hat." Alastair Down - "Cheltenham really gets on my wick"
Willie Carson: "Okay campers, today I will get my whip out and lamp the back end off those two big-titted mares" Aiden O'Brien "Don't listen, Richie" Aiden O'Brien "He's such a hype horse and I don't know what we were ever thinking in calling him Galipegasus. I hate for my horses to be hyped up" Bart Cummings: "It's wonderful to see So You Think improving in the hands of Ballydoyle" "It is very rare for Sir Mark Prescott to land a handicap touch like that" "Yet again Godolphin have transformed a horse's career for the better- an oustanding training performance from Bin Suroor" "John McCririck is a great advert for racing"
AO'B - I'm delighted to announce that my eldest daughter is to become Sheikh Mohammed's third wife. Paul Roy - I'm pleased to announce that Max Mosley will be working closely with us as a consultant in our efforts to streamline the new whip guidelines. Fitri Hay - I'm absolutely thrilled at the success Tom Tate has had with the string of expensive blue bloods we have sent him. Maktoums - We are winding up our racing operation to repay the Dubai World creditors the $36.9 bn we owe them. BHA - It is with great pleasure that we welcome Keith Dalgleish on board as a Weighing Room Security Officer....as soon as we can find him!! Princess N'ket - I can't wait to get Nicky Henderson under the mistletoe and give him a big wet sloppy French kiss..!! SBC - Neither can I...
QM – “There is no doubt that Aidan O’Brien is the greatest trainer of racehorses that Ireland has ever produced. Every season he dominates the flat season in an understated manner with a small number of inexpensively purchased horses that he has saved from the glue factory.” QM – “I can’t wait to get Princess Newmarket under the mistletoe and give her a big wet sloppy French kiss.”
David Pipe: "We thought his mark was high enough but we thought we'd let him take his chance here and we're delighted to have finished 4th" Ferdy Murphy: "As you know I like to get one ready to win first time out" Paddy Power: "We are top-priced on every horse in this race"
Not only did Richard hills make up his horses mind and push him through the gap on the rail he virtually lifted him over the line in the final 50 yards - Simon Holt I am enjoying life here and happy about it all, thanks for sharing this afternoon with me John - Tanya stevenson Really Jamie? you thought that was good a trade in - All Jamie spencers friends The handicappers been more than reasonable - Mick Easterby Sorry guys you're both rubbish, Dad just did not have the heart to tell you - Charlie Hills I promise you your Highness although it looks like i dont know what i am doing with all your bluebloods i am just getting them handicapped really well - Marcus Tregonning & Amanda Perett in unison Yes Madam, 50p ew on Frankel is a bet i would take with great pleasure, good luck now. - Barry Dennis
