Paddy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows. '£20...' she whispers. He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the heck, it's only twenty quid. So they hide in the bushes. They're going at it for a couple of minutes when suddenly a light flashes on them. It's a police officer. 'What's going on here, people?' asks the officer. 'I'm making love to my wife,' Paddy answers indignantly. 'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop, 'I didn't know.' 'Well,' Paddy says, 'neither did I, until you shined that bloody light in her face'
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark... So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.
Do you know what I REALLY REALLY HATE? People who take drugs . You know , like the Police , and Customs Officers.
You have 83 Christmas presents this year. Now subtract your age. Add 40. That is the year you were born
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered Laura some grave news: "There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know. She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, “Will I be acquitted?"
You have 83 Christmas presents this year (If you havent had your birthday yet you lose one, so only 82) Now subtract your age. Add 40. That is the year you were born Better?
My wife just screamed 'YOU'RE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME, ARE YOU!?' Seems a weird way to start a conversation
