Teacher: "What does your dad do for a living?" Student: "He is a magician." Teacher: "What is his favourite trick?" Student: "He cuts people in two." Teacher: "How many brothers and sisters do you have?" Student: "One half brother and one half sister."
I asked if I could have a copy, just to check to see if my hair was tidy and I had my Ron Jeremy smile on. No reply yet.
My mate is in A&E after swallowing some of his maggots whilst fishing. He is waiting for the doctor's report with baited breath.
My wife and I get horny at different times. Her peak is late at night, and mine is when she goes to work.
"Can I have a coffee please." "A coffee?" he laughed, "Sir, this is Costa so you're going to have to be a bit more specific." "OK. Can I have a coffee please you pretentious condescending c*nt."
My wife started working as a receptionist in a doctors surgery a couple of years ago. The amount of grief she gets off some patients I'm surprised she hasnt grabbed hold of one of them, pulled them over the counter and stabbed them to death with the pointy part of her glasses by now.
We had automatic gates fitted in our drive a couple of weeks ago, that open in response to my wife's voice . . . . they haven't closed yet.
