Little known fact there is a Patron Saint of checking bread rolls before removing from the oven. Saint John The Bap Test.
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.'Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt.. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...' At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.' At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs." Mummy fainted! Moral: Sometimes you need to just shut up and listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
The missus and I have both made those lists of 5 people that we're allowed to sleep with if we ever get the opportunity. She's picked Johnny Depp, Hugh Jackman, Jeremy Renner, Kiefer Sutherland and Ryan Reynolds. I've gone for her sister, her cousin, her best mate, our next door neighbour and the fit bird from the Tesco
Two Army boys, Leroy & John, from the hills of Kentucky were promoted from privates to Sergeants because of their great marksmanship with rifles. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, John, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and Me go in." "But we's privates," protests John "We's sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, John, I'm a gonna sit down and have me a drink." "But we's privates," says John. "Are you blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. We's sergeants now, so hush your mouth" So they have their drinks and pretty soon a young pretty lady comes up to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea." "Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "John, go and look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign." So John goes to look it up, comes back and gives Leroy the big okay sign. Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea. "John" he says, "why did you give me the okay sign ?" "Well Leroy, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea affects only the privates." He points to his stripes. "But we's sergeants now"
