You know you've still got it when you're walking across the beach with your missus and there's a couple of young girls waving at you while your missus isn't looking. There's no way that I was ever gonna swim out that far to save them though.
I went into Sports Direct on Tuesday and asked for some condoms and KY jelly: "We are a sports shop." Said the assistant. On Wednesday I asked for a dual action 12 inch black dildo, some anal beads and a gimp mask. "We are a sports shop." Said the assistant. So, on Thursday, I went in and asked for some love eggs and a whip. Always with the same reply. Today as I went in, the assistant took me to one side and said. "Mate, you keep coming in and it's getting embarrassing you know we are a sports shop, what the f*ck do you really want?" I summoned up all my courage took a deep breath and said. "Can I have a Newcastle home shirt please?"
