Annoying Commentator Cliches/Phrases

"This guy never stops running" - He's gunna look a bit stupid when there's an injury, then.

"If they play like this for the rest of the season they won't get relegated" - Yeah, because teams near the bottom are known for their consistency.

"If it's not a penalty, then why hasn't he booked him for diving?" - You do realize a player can fall over without diving, right?

And not a phrase as such but whenever Alan Green goes on a rant about how a players boots aren't black or why the ref doesn't blow for full time before the throw-in is taken or some other ridiculouly inane rant that no-one but him gives a **** about.

 

"He's got a good touch for a big man" - So was there a time in football when football player over a certain height couldn't control a ball?

 

Meant to put this one. Always grinds my gears.

 

Anything Mark Lawrenson says

 

"He's hung in the air there (to win the header)" when someone jumps rather high, they now defy gravity.

 

Heard one that made me laugh recently, something along the lines of "Crouch is 6'6" but 6'4" when he jumps"

Seriously though that guy doesn't leave the ground when he tries to jump. He's got no spring at all!

 

Anything Barton does seems to be a crime. "Joey Barton is offside, he is lucky to still be on the field, he needs to watch himself."

Or the classic...

"Joey Barton has just been drop kicked in the face....oh well he has made a meal of that, he has gone down like he's been shot."

 

When a commentator is on the fence about a decision until the 5th slow-motion replay...

"How can the linesman/referree not see that?!"

 

I don't like it when commentators start saying names and nationalities when commentating. eg Vuckic the Slovenian to Jonas the Argentine etc. Robbie Savage always attempts jokes on BBC radio 5 live but they are all terrible. He did something with Bilayletdinov like Diniyar You'reComingOff. Stick to the sheep shagging.

 

'ohhh how did he pull that off?'

really annoys me.

 

If someone hits the bar clean in the middle and "an inch lower and it would have been a goal" no, it would have hit the bar one inch lower.

 

For some reason 'The magic of the FA Cup' gets on my tits.

 

It would only be magic if one of the little teams actually won it, an occasional giant killing is not magic, just the law of averages.

 

I hate it when they say something like "and Newcastle are surely on their way to another home win" because i know the bastard will have cursed it and we'll concede late on!

 

"England have a good chance of winning it this year.."

or

Anything to do with Steven Gerrard, the Kop or Liverpool in general.

or

"high, wide and handsome"

Commentators really grind my gears.

 

"Uncharacteristicly bad from Rooney" - not if you've seen him play in the last year.

 

On the radio:

Team X is playing from left to right.... How the **** do I know which way your left and right are!!! Tell me what the name of the stand is they are attacking!!!

 

"Why is there a female linesman? It's political correctness gone mad..." Or actually anything they say on sky sports. Have you smashed it? I mean, Rupert Murdoch's car. What a bellend.

Also, I shall defend Alan Green to the hill. His rants are great, they make up for not being able to watch the games...

 

"He leapt like a Salmon to reach that one"

What? He was eaten by a ****ing bear?

 

Not a cliche, but I was amused/traditionally annoyed when Andy Gray had a bit of a rant on one of our games a few years back. Jonas was being substituted with about 20 minutes to go and as he was jogging off Gray went off on one about why he would have his first name on his back, and how everyone else has to have their surname. The player to come on? Geremi...