I think I read about that party. The police were called as it got a bit out of hand - one guy arrested for sh*gging a goat, another for acting the goat. So - that was you?
Not a joke this , but true. I once went to a Scottish-theme fancy dress party in Sydney dressed in a toga. No-one guessed that I was the 'Roman in the gloamin'.
Okay, obviously i don't agree with any of these but some did make me chuckle..so enjoy! BRAVE MAN JOKES 1 -How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! 2 -What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. 3 - Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.. 4 - How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it. 5 - Why do women fake orgasms ? Because they think men care. 6 - What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she's been told twice already. 7 - If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long 8 - Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. 9 - Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. 10 - Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. 11 - If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. 12 - Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%... It's called a Wedding Cake. 13 - Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to. Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who don't own a gun.
H, some of these are amusing bu personally I don't find number 6 funny in any context at all. Sorry...
Just to while away the hours, a few examples of English used as an International language in signs which went wrong somewhere, for example : Lufthansa : We take your bags and send them in all directions ! Wine shop: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for ! In a hotel room : Colds and Heats - If you want just condition of warm in your room please control yourself ! In a hotel bar: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar ! Hotel : The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid ! In a zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty ! Outside a cemetary (Moscow): Tours of the cemetary - You can see notable Russians buried daily, apart from on Sunday ! And lastly (From the Tyrol) From our spacious rooms you have a wonderfull view of the romantic gorge - and we hope you will wish to drop in !
no need to apologise......i can see where you're coming from, though i have to admit to not finding it offensive..but we're all different..that's the beauty of life
The sadness of life rather than the beauty of it if anyone thinks giving a woman a black eye is even jokingly a way of getting a message across to her.
The medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them? GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with your mates, being met by your wife with a broom, and asking: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?' BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with your mates, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and saying: 'You're next, Chubby.' Medically speaking, whilst there is a difference in meaning, there is no difference in the prognosis. Both result in death.
The producers of this beer commercial borrowed a small 150 seat cinema playing a popular film, and filled 148 of its seats with rough-looking, tatooed bikers, leaving only two free seats in the middle of the theater. They then allowed theater management to sell tickets for the last pair of tickets to several young couples. What would you do? Watch till the end ..... http://www.theinspiration.com/2011/09/carlsberg-stunt-in-cinema/
Nice one MK. However i fail to see the point of the ad. I also fail to see why people were walking out. But thats just me.
Classy Mk made me laugh , Interesting how stereotyping still is so strong in todays society, as a biker that was funny, fair play to the couples for not being phased!
maybe they felt intimidated...i don't think i'd have left..i'd have been too embarrassed to walk out! lol
When my next door neighbour knocked on the door with some policemen to talk about some clothes stolen from her washing I **** her pants.
I see they have just announced a new Bushtucker Trial on that TV programme - apparently a Kangeroo has to chew on one of Fatima Whitebread's testicles....
