When making a cup of tea for the wife, I shouted from the kitchen "Do you want a Kit Kat Chunky ?" Don't remember much after that !.........
A man was walking along Porthcawl beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie! The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes. So you can forget about getting three wishes. You only get one wish. The man sat down on the beach and thought about it for awhile. Then he said, "I've always wanted to go to Barbados; but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Barbados so that I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the ocean? Think of how much concrete... how much steel...! No. No. No. Think of another wish." The man tried to think of another wish. Finally, he said, "I've been a Bluebirds supporter all my life. My father was, my grandfather was, my son is a season ticket holder. The Bluebirds are everything to me. But none of us have ever seen us do the double over the Swans. So I wish that I could see the mighty Bluebirds do the double over the Swans next season. That would make my life complete. The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"
Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally cut off all 10 of his fingers. He went to the emergency room in Cork’s hospital. The doctor looked at Paddy and said, “Let’s be avin’ da fingers and I’ll see what oi can do.” Paddy said, “Oi haven’t got da fingers.” “Whadda ya mean you haven’t got da fingers? Lord T’underin’ Jesus, it’s 2008! We’s got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn’t ya bring da fingers?” And Paddy said, “How da f**k was I ‘sposed to pick dem up?”
Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened. The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up.
A class was given homework to find out something exciting and tell it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class. He picked up a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was. "It's a 'period'," he replied. "I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so exciting about a 'period'?" "Darned if I know," said the boy, "but yesterday my sister was missing one, Mum fainted, Dad had a heart attack and the boy next door joined the Army!
